The Halfling’s Leaf Has Clearly Slowed Your Mind


It turns out the Church invented an Anatolian bishop named St. Nicholas out of whole cloth, based on a Teutonic sea god. Because SHUT UP, that’s why!

The “Middle Ages” were the Age of Reason. Now is the Age of Utter Credulity. You can say *anything* about the origins or history of Christianity and people will believe you–as long as it’s not the truth.

Happy Mayan End of the World Day, Sophisticated Post-Moderns!

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  • Joseph

    Because SHUT UP, that’s why! I’ve heard that implied response by implication from so many of my “new” atheist friends when the topic of Christianity is brought up.

  • what’s really funny about that article is that it is very nearly impossible to tell which commenters are actual people and which are spam bots. Which leads me to believe that most spam bots are just trying to get by with a little help from their friends…. 😉

  • David

    fffffffffffff-bubble bubble bubble-ffffffff- COUGH! COUGH!- Dude, that article blew my mind!

  • bob

    When people smoke enough of it they make sense to other people who do. Don’t bother trying to explain this to addled nerve cells. Just nod.

  • Irenist

    Best phrase in the article: “Instead of perpetuating outdated and confusing holiday myths….”
    Wow. This is a real find, Mark. Hopefully the link will stay live, so you can repost this next year. Just hilarious.

    • Meggan

      I agree. My favorite is when it goes on to say, “How about getting back to basics and enjoying some magical mushrooms with your loved ones this solstice?”

      • DTMcCameron

        And, necessitated by the toxicity of said mushrooms, drinking each-other’s urine.

        Which frankly confuses me, because that would mean that at least someone would have to sufferer the full…undiluted effects of the toxins, no? Drew the short straw, I guess.

        • S. Murphy

          No, no, you use a reindeer to process the mushrooms…

  • LaVallette

    “When a man stops believing in God he doesn’t believe in nothing, he believes in anything.” Chestertton.

    After all he has to continuously justify himself for not beleiving in God when his very innermost being and intellect demands answers to the three fundamental questions of life: Where did I come from? What am I doing here? Where am I going?.

  • Do you, uh, follow that particular website regularly, Mr. Shea?

    • Mark Shea

      heh. No. Somebody sent me the link.

  • Andy, Bad Person

    The comments on that thread are some of the greatest spam-ridden dadaist comedy I’ve read in a long time. Thanks, Mark!

  • Heather Price

    Here I was, ignorantly believing that Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Pere Noel and the rest were just a Protestant replacement for St. Nicholas or the Magi, depending on who brought the gifts and when according to native tradition.
    Silly me. I haven’t eaten enough psychedelic mushrooms!

    • Jon W

      Are you kidding? They’re part of a popish plot to distract from the true reason for the season.

      Half-amused observation not intended to be taken too, too seriously:
      If there’s one thing Catholics and Protestants are united on, it’s the absolute conviction that the other side does nearly everything it does in an effort to avoid paying attention Jesus Christ.

  • I know a guy who would love that website. “I’m just sayin’ that people who take psychedelics don’t ever become violent and kill people, man” he is wont to say.

    • Amy

      Didn’t the Manson family use a lot of psychedelic drugs?….

  • enness

    Love it. “Age of Utter Credulity.” “As long as it’s not the truth.”

    Sometimes the simple, boring explanation really is the right one.