*You* can translate Latin with my patented method!

A reader wonders how to translate the following:

Ad filium meum Isaac celebratione Nativitatis Domini MMXII, cum affectionis ex patrem vestrum.

I translate this as “Add feline meows to Isaac’s celebration of natives’ domino mix. Come affectionate ex-patrons in vestments.”

My reader replies:

Multo atrocius quam Latina lingua mea tibi tua fabula barba. Vos eatis adepto a officium quasi Unix programmer.

Which, as all *educated* people know, means:

Multiplying atrocious qualms, Latin linguini may tiptoe fabulous barbers. Michael Voris eats adept officials, quasars, and castrated programmers.

If you need anything else translated, just let me know. I’m something of an expert.

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  • Martin Murphy

    A former workmate of mine said his eight-year -old translated “Quia viderunt oculi mei” as “Why is this weedy runt wearing my glasses?” A very good effort, i thought!

  • If he really actually wants to know, it reads, “To my son Isaac, at the celebration of the Nativity of the Lord, 2012, with affection from your father. “

  • The second one most definitely is not good Latin, but I think he is trying to say “As atrocious as Latin is on my tongue, yours is just as bad in your fabulous beard; you are almost as adept at the job as a Unix programmer.” ??

    • Mark Shea

      You have your personal truth of the moment and I have mine.

  • This is up there with the singing group that translated Suscipe quaeso Domine as Suspicious Cheese Lords.

  • ivan_the_mad

    Semper ubi sub ubi.

  • Fr. Frank

    Bear — Do you mean to tell me I have NOT, in fact, been praying to the Suspicious Cheese Lords all these years? Well, this will certainly require some tweaking of my theology here and there.

    And what about that reaaaally long prayer that starts off, “The jitters, Clementine, patter. . . ?”

  • Note that the “If Only It Were English” school of translation works equally well for all Romance languages, as generations of schoolchildren can attest who know that, surely the point of Davignon is to see the lawn dance to Sonround. (The generations aren’t quite as sound at French geography, but Sonround can’t be too far from Davignon.)

  • DTMcCameron

    So I’m guessing spam-bots all speak Latin, and are simply undergoing this translation process into unintelligibility.

  • Fr. Frank

    Being from the Deep South, I wasn’t aware of the lawn dance at all. I thought the information on Sonround simply elicitted a double response:

    “Lawdy da, Sir!
    Lawdy da, Sir!”

    (In the South “sir” is, of course, pronounced “suh.”)

    • I don’t think we need to tie ourselves down to a single, authoritative translation. After all, “Traduttore, traditore.” Which is to say, traducing is our tradition.

  • Mike Harrison

    Perhaps “tuum” would be preferable to “vestrum” in addressing one’s child.