Here’s what to Expect from Dominicans

Cheers for Francis, plus cheap Jesuit jokes, of course.

My favorite so far: “Conclave locates Jesuit faithful to the Pope.” Expect a lot more of these.

I wonder if Jezzies tell Dominican jokes. Surely there is something in thumbscrews and Thomas’ rotundity that has provoked a snicker somewhere back there.

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  • Will

    There is the one about how a Dominican and a Franciscan were arguing over which of their orders was more loved by God, when a shining parchment wafted down. It read “Cease this childish bickering! Your orders are equally dear to me. (s) God, S.J.”

    • Garth

      Heh. The version I heard from a Dominican was that it was a Jesuit and a Franciscan arguing, and the note was signed, “God, O.P.” ;)

  • dianeski

    “Conclave locates Jesuit faithful to the Pope.”


    Hafta share that one with my hubby, who graduated from Holy Cross.

  • mary martha

    In my experience (educated by both Jesuits and Dominicans) Jesuits tell the same Jesuit jokes that the Dominicans do…. kind of like lawyers telling lawyer jokes. My only worry is that Jesuits will not become even *more* inflated with their own importance to the Church (and I would enver have thought that possible)

    I traveled to Rome once with Jesuits and once with Dominicans. In many ways it was like going to two completely different cities.

  • Pete

    What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?
    Well, they were both founded by Spaniards, St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits.
    They were also both founded to combat heresy: the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.

    What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?
    Well, have you met any Albigensians lately?

    • LongbowDrummer

      Doh! You beat me to it!

    • j. blum

      That’s just awesome!

  • LongbowDrummer

    A good friend who is also priest was expounding upon the Domican and Jesuit orders. He pointed out to me one time that the Domicans where formed to combat the albigensians and the Jesuits where formed to fight against the spread of protestantism. Then he asked if I saw any albigensians anymore. :) Long live Pope Francis! Today is a wonder day.

  • Erin Manning

    Oh, this gives me a chance to tell my favorite Jesuit joke. :)

    The proud Irish parents of their very first son went to their parish priest with a sad worry. “Father, we just don’t know what he’ll be when he grows up. His uncle is a priest, and we’d love that for him, and her father is well-off, which is nice, but my dad is a drunk,” explained the young dad, holding their squirming toddler.

    “Well, now,” said their pastor. “Why don’t we find out what he’s drawn to at this young age?” And he placed a Bible, a stack of coins, and a bottle of whiskey on the floor. “Put him down,” the pastor instructed, “and we’ll see which one he grabs hold of.”

    Nervously the father of the child set his baby boy down, and the boy crawled toward the objects on the floor–first heading one direction, then the other. Finally the boy sat staring at each object in turn–Bible, money, and whiskey. Then, with an unholy squeal of laughter, the little tyke grabbed hold of all three!

    “Saints preserve us!” exclaimed the distraught pastor. “He’s to be a Jesuit!”


  • Margaret

    My husband & I have discussed for quite a while the jesuits’ need for a great, saintly reformer. Never crossed my mind it could be “their own” pope, though…

  • Chris-2-4

    This just in, Pontiffissimo Francisco Primo is still Pope.

  • Joseph Moore

    I immediately wondered if Francis could see his way clear to suppress his own order, at least here in America. Buy both faithful American Jesuits tickets to Rome and be done with it.

    But, hey, I’m thrilled with our new Pope! May God bless him, the Holy Spirit guide him, and St Michael the Archangel defend him battle!

  • PNP, OP

    Well, at least there will be one Jesuit in the world you won’t be lost during Holy Week.

    Fr. Philip Neri, OP

  • MasterThief

    A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him.

    The Franciscan fell on his face, overcome with awe at the sight of God born in such poverty.

    The Dominican fell to his knees, adoring the beautiful reflection of the Trinity and the Holy Family.

    The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, “So, have you thought about where to send the boy to school?”

    • Susan

      Ha ha ha! At last, one I haven’t heard!

    • kmk

      Thanks! That was great!

  • Steve

    We now have assurance that at least ONE Jesuit won’t be teaching heresy.

  • TheEpic95

    Good one steve. And Susan, did you know your reply to the joke mark told is just as true and funmy as the joke itself?

  • Will

    There was a great congress of religious… suddenly, the lights went out.
    The Benedictines began singing canticles to the light.
    The Dominicans began expounding the origin, genus and differentia of every kind of light.
    Finally, a Jesuit got up and changed the fuse.

    • Tom K.

      No, the Franciscans sang the Canticle. The Benedictines chanted the Office from memory, while the Jesuits explained why the obligation to recite the Office was abrogated.

      It was a diocesan priest who changed the fuse.

  • Steve P

    One of my favorites…

    A young man just making his way in the world came across a Franciscan and a Jesuit, and inquired of the priests, “How many novenas do I have to say to get a Mercedes?”

    The Franciscan, puzzled, asked, “What’s a Mercedes?”

    The Jesuit, puzzled, asked, “What’s a novena?”

  • Kyle

    A Jesuit and a Franciscan were standing on a corner when a man walked up to them and asked, “Fathers, would it be ok for me to pray a novena for a BMW?” The Franciscan asked, “What’s a BMW?” and the Jesuit asked, “What’s a novena?”

    • Kyle

      Whooops….guess I should have refreshed the page after opening it 2 hours ago and forgetting about it!

  • Elaine S.

    Not sure I’m telling this one right — it might be losing something in the translation — but here goes. A Dominican and a Jesuit met for breakfast. The Jesuit said his morning prayer while drinking his coffee, but the Dominican finished his morning prayer BEFORE ordering his coffee. The Dominican had asked his superior if it was OK to drink coffee while saying morning prayer and the superior said no, that would be irreverent. The Jesuit, on the other hand, had asked his superior if it was OK to say morning prayer while drinking coffee and his superior said “Why not?”

    • Michaelus

      Elaine that is perfect! The implication is that the Jesuit Superior would be expecting the fellow to actually present an argument why it would not be OK, present a counter argument and then present a concluding argument – and why not – such a discussion would have drilled into the purpose of the Divine office, the essentials of prayer, comparisons between gastronomical and mental distractions, fasting, caffeine, drug laws, clericalism and probably some mention of the Ignation sublimation of desires (isn’t the desire for coffee a reflection of our desire for God?). Eventually the Jesuit would conclude not to drunk his coffee – and by that time the Dominican would have already heard some confessions, said mass, converted three heathen and gone off to teach his class on Aquinas…

  • Bro AJK

    A parachutist landed in a tree during WWII in France. He asked the first person who came to him, “Tell me sir, where am I?” “In a tree,” he says. The soldier replies, “You must be a Dominican friar.” “Yes, I am,” said the man, “How did you know?” The army man answers, “Because what you have told me is absolutely true and absolutely useless.”

  • Charles

    The difference between Jesuits and Dominicans:

    If you meet one Jesuit, you’ve met them all. If you meet one Dominican, he’ll tell you the joke about how if you meet one Jesuit you’ve met them all but if you meet one Dominican ….