Don’t make fun of renowned author Dan Brown


Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry. Most people would have thought that the 48-year-old man had no reason to be angry. After all, the famous writer had a new book coming out. But that was the problem. A new book meant an inevitable attack on the rich novelist by the wealthy wordsmith’s fiercest foes. The critics.

Renowned author Dan Brown hated the critics. Ever since he had become one of the world’s top renowned authors they had made fun of him. They had mocked bestselling book The Da Vinci Code, successful novel Digital Fortress, popular tome Deception Point, money-spinning volume Angels & Demons and chart-topping work of narrative fiction The Lost Symbol.

The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.

"Very much enjoyed the account."

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"Sometimes the "Oh wow!"-ness of the experience is sufficient unto itself....enjoyed tagging along!"

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"Thanks for taking us along!"

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  • Joseph

    Hahaha. That was a funny excerpt.

  • Andy

    I resent the critics, they are missing the beauty of Mr. Brown’s opuses. Imagine if you will you have labored for hours mowing the lawn, trimming the bushes, cleaning the pond, weeding the vegetable garden and walking the dogs. It is now afternoon and the sun is high – his books with all of their repetitive tautological ungrammatical and clumsy prose make a marvelous coaster for the well deserved adult beverage. The ring the beverage container leaves on the cover and as it bleeds through to the rest of the pages makes for a marvelous weed block when fully used. Obviously the critics don’t see the value in an alternative used.

  • Andy, Bad Person

    I believe my favorite was:

    His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen. He was grateful for his good fortune, and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God.

  • Pete the Greek

    The shock I felt from reading this was strong, like the shock you get after being hit with a surcharge from a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

  • ivan_the_mad

    Renowned CAEI combox troll ivan_the_mad did laugh muchly at this.

  • Awesome. Made my day. Until I made the mistake of reading the first comment, an earnest defense of Brown’s work and how some people just don’t get what he does. I wish more people understood the difference between “I enjoyed this” and “it was objectively good.”

  • Evan

    As a college-aged reader, who is slightly over two decades in age, who appreciates skilled writing, who is a grammar-nazi to a moderate degree, who has a renowned-ly intellectual mind and predilection for satirical humor, this piece appealed to my satirical sense of humor and made me satirically laugh and enjoy myself like an elephant rolling in hay and eating peanuts.

    Is that a poor metaphor or a run-on sentence?

    • Joseph

      That was great… I’m serious like a heart attack.

  • Rebecca Fuentes

    I give this the former-English-teacher stamp of approval. Ka-chunk!

  • Scott W.

    Apologies to Mr. Saphire

  • Dan Brown has got his paws on the Divine Comedy . . he’s going to do the same thing to Dante he did to Leonardo da Vinci — how in the world is this funny!!??

    But I have to admit, this guy has Brown’s style down flat.