How Can I Write Like You, Mark?

Many people ask how they can become a rich and powerful writer like myself, tapping into the untold wealth to be found in the glittering and high octane world of Catholic scribbling.

Here are a few tips for becoming a little bit like the glamorous A list celebrity you see before you, known to literally dozens of people the world over.

  1. Research. Many people exhaust themselves poring over books and tracking down sources. I solve this problem by writing books full of baseless assertions in full caps. ONLY A FOOL WOULD CHALLENGE THAT, ACCORDING TO A 1982 STUDY BY DR. HOVEL T. MOON OF STANFORD UNIVERSITY.
  2. Style. Style is all-important. The key to writing like Mark Shea is twofold: 1. Capitalization; 2. Being an Abrasive Jerk; and 3. Not Being Good at Math.
  • Speaking of not being good at math, bullet pointed lists instead of numbered ones cover a multitude of sins.

More tips coming as I think of them.  Time for a dip in my Scrooge McDuck pool full of gold coins earned from the glamorous, fast-paced, high-stakes world of Professional Catholic Writing.

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  • Anita

    Thank you for sharing Mark! I am so looking forward to being rich and famous like you.

  • Imp the Vladaler

    The abrasiveness never comes through in the books or columns, only on this thoroughly ironically named blog. No one reading Catholic & Enjoying It could possibly think that Mark is actually enjoying it.

    • Rebecca Fuentes

      He keeps writing here, so he must be enjoying SOMETHING.

    • chezami

      Um. I think I am. But it’s good of you to speak on behalf of all mankind like that. Does all mankind agree with your take on everything else too? Or is it only on this matter that nobody could possibly disagree with you?

      • Imp the Vladaler

        Perhaps if really put your mind to it, you could have done a better job of proving my point. I’m sure that, with toil, you could strain and squeeze out a little more of what Cervantes so eloquently called “El Hurtidad del Butto“.

        Anyway, I read a lot of Catholic bloggers, although not as many as you. To a man – and woman – they come across as more jolly about the whole enterprise than you do. Amy Welborn? Enjoying it. Eve Tushnet? That dame is enjoying it. Shea? Cranky again.

        Also, I said that in your other writings, you never come across as the “abrasive jerk” you labeled yourself here. Take the compliment, dude. Or don’t. I’m not your mom. Just, you know, a guy who buys books.

      • Alexander S Anderson

        I do think that it as at least more obvious reading your other work than reading this blog that you enjoy Catholicism. It comes out here every once in a while, but your other pieces are more consistent witnesses to that fact. Not that I mind. I realize this is a “no thought of mine… will ever go unpublished again!”-space.

      • Linebyline

        I must admit that I often get the impression that you’re not enjoying it.

        On reflection, however, the “it” that you don’t appear to be enjoying is not being Catholic so much as the thing you’re blogging about at the moment. Considering how often you blog about politics, that’s hardly surprising.

        • chezami

          Give that man a cigar. What happens on this blog is a look at the world, not the faith, quit eoften. The world is a tragic and evil place very often.

  • Linebyline

    Hey, I’m not good at math! Does that mean I can be a blogger too?

  • Kevin Roerty

    How am I doing?

  • Ben

    I fear that many people just don’t get you, Mark. I do. In fact, you are my favorite blogger, even on your less-than-enjoying-it-days.

  • ivan_the_mad

    Thank you Mark! You have saved me from purchasing the writing portion of the homeschooling curriculum; I’ll just print out this post instead.