Conservapedia’s Conservative Bible Project

is a particularly piquant and hilarious demonstration of the sheer hubris and insanity of the Thing That Used to Be Conservativism.  Sane conservatives sit back in amazement.  The mouth opens.  The mouth closes.  Nothing comes out.  Nothing can be said to such pure, unreflective, blind pride.  Frank Weathers aptly describes it as “The Valhalla of the Thing that Used to be Conservatism”.  Here’s their thinking in one utterly unironic nutshell:

“The untaught and the unstable twist [Paul's letters] to their own destruction, as they also do with the rest of the Scriptures.” 2 Peter 3:16

By this verse, we should not put absolute authority in “official” Bible translators – such as those of “The Message” or “The Green Bible”. Instead, we should translate for ourselves, or in a collaborative effort with others we personally trust.

The goal of the crazy people heading this project is to achieve a Bible free of “liberal translation distortions”.  So, instead of them damn librul orthodox college boys rendering of John 1:1 as “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” we get good solid conservative dimestore Arianism with “In the beginning was the Truth; its Word was with God; and its Perfection was God.”

There’s plenty more genius where that came from.

Particularly hilarious is their insistence on defending the rich by consistently translating the Greek word for “rich” as “miserly”.  Of course, exactly the same word is used to describe God, but they somehow manage to avoid rendering Ephesians 2:4 to describe God as being “miserly in mercy”.

Conservapedia is conservatism is the final stage of dementia for a purely human ideology as it radically and definitively exalts itself above God with Luciferian pride.  Sin makes you stupid indeed.  Like all such expressions of pride, it is to be laughed to scorn, fought with truth, its adherents forgiven with love, and its teachings buried someday in a forgotten grave with all the stupid and crazy heresies of the past.

  • Marthe Lépine

    Glancing at the last link in your post, I found a few interesting points among the “conservative” principles to be applied. I am particularly curious to read the “economic parables” in their proper “free-market” economic meaning!

  • Dave G.

    If this hadn’t gone on since I became a Christian decades ago, I’d call it evidence of the Thing that Used to be Conservatism. But once again, this has happened within Conservative circles since I can remember. And, as always, sane Conservatives tended to distance themselves from such things.

  • ivan_the_mad

    Goody. The New World Translation will finally have a friend with which to share the dubious honor bestowed it by H. H. Rowley as “a shining example of how the Bible should not be translated”.

  • Dan C

    I remember this when it first started. Likely I read it here.

    This project does not necessarily just pick on translations with dubious value, but goes after certain texts that seem “soft” like the adulteress pericope, or Lucan lines like “Father forgive them…” as originating from diabolical, soft on sin liberals. Because forgiveness is liberal apparently.

    The project is crowd-sourced to ensure less need to drop capital into it. It would have a small army of volunteers.

  • Dan C

    Catholics can find no friends in the editing discussions on the Conservative Bible Project. I think this should be noted- its not the Conservative Protestant Bible Project. Its the Conservative Bible Project.

  • Almario Javier

    And yet Schlafly the Younger, a Catholic, seems to back this. Goes to show that selective Catholicism isn’t only a left wing phenomenon.

    • Rosemarie

      +J.M.J+

      Catholic translations of the Bible have to receive approval from the Bishops. I’m pretty sure the Church takes a very dim view of this kind of translation.

      • Almario Javier

        Oh, I know. But I mean to say cafeteria Catholicism is a sin of the Right as well. And I think it scandalous that any Catholic would take part in this monstrosity, never mind actually provide the venue for it willingly. It seems Schlafly Minor has the conservatism of his mother without her piety, imperfect as it is.

  • Rosemarie

    +J.M.J+

    The Bible itself, like the Church, is neither “conservative” nor “liberal.” I doubt their contention that other mainstream translations like the NIV have a “liberal bias,” but even if they do, a translation with a “conservative bias” is no better.

  • Jared Clark

    I think I read somewhere that conservapedia is a “satire” site. Either way, this project is monumentally stupid. -_-

    • Jared Clark

      Upon further investigation, apparently some people just think that is surely must be satire because it’s too stupid to be real. -sigh-


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