Pope Francis Bows…

to House Plant, Refrigerator. Authors of Rorate Caeli declare onset of End Times, strip naked, run in snow screaming about neo-catholic spiders crawling all over them, taken in for psych eval. Entire readership books passage to small island off the coast of Italy to await return of Jesus in “Hit the Reset Button” semi-parousia with St. Peter, who will name “true Pope” and then return to heaven until “Real Deal Parousia” on Last Day.

Eye of the Tiber vows to issue clarifying statement “in a month or so, once they’re all gone.”