I have done this many times before. I have just quit and moved on to the next chapter. This is how things usually work with me. I commit myself to something and persevere at that commitment for many years. Then, eventually, I begin to sense a change is in the air. It usually begins subtly. But the impression of it grows and grows until the situation I’m in becomes constrictive. It begins to feel like a trap, a prison, a bondage. I must be free again. I must be liberated from this present situation. This is not to say that the former situation is bad. It isn’t a judgment on the past situations. It has just become something no longer my home, but a prison.
It’s never a rash decision, although it is always a sudden one. The decision is usually preceded by months or even years of discernment and internal struggle. It is usually followed by a time of sadness. But I have always asked for perfect clarity before I make the decision. Invariably it comes. Sometimes it comes in the words of another. Sometimes it comes in a dream. Sometimes it comes as a flash of insight in my mind. But the clarity I await always comes. If I wait patiently. It is always very clear.
I’ve had many people over the years, and recently, say to me something like, “I wish I could do that… just up and leave! I feel so trapped.” That’s not true. You are not trapped. You are actually free. I have discovered that in the evening I may feel despairingly trapped. But perfect clarity comes in the night. Then the feeling of absolute liberty comes in the morning. I have discovered a marvelous secret: I am never trapped. For my freedom does not depend on my situation, but on my state of mind. I am always free. No matter what my surrounding conditions are. I am free. I am certain of this. And once my mind comes to that peaceful realization that I am free, all kinds of things can happen very suddenly. Sometimes it takes some effort and just a little courage to manifest this freedom outwardly. But once you’ve done it once, you will know what I mean.
You are free!