I didn’t even know how I felt, I was so numb. My environment had become so toxic to me that I could no longer feel my emotions or see myself clearly. So I left the church and the ministry and took a job teaching at a university. I met people who thought I was amazing, young, cool, talented, fun and beautiful. Some even said, “You’re perfect!”
You see… I was a little embarrassed writing that first paragraph. And my first reaction to my new friends’ opinion of me was embarrassment. I felt a kind of shame. Maybe they didn’t know me well enough yet. In a matter of time they’ll see me for who I really am and lose their positive opinion of me. But they didn’t. They still loved me and thought I was amazing.
It reminded me of this quote from Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
When I drew this Sophia, it conjured up all those memories. She is embarrassed. She feels some shame. Her whole life she’s been taught she is an unworthy sinful worm. She finally escaped that toxic environment and is moving into the revelation of her own perfection. She is perfect just as she is. Deep down she knows it’s true, and soon she’ll live as though it is.
She is an angel. (Read more about Sophia here)
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