new Sophia drawing “Angel”

sophia drawing angel by nakedpastor david_hayward

I didn’t even know how I felt, I was so numb. My environment had become so toxic to me that I could no longer feel my emotions or see myself clearly. So I left the church and the ministry and took a job teaching at a university. I met people who thought I was amazing, young, cool, talented, fun and beautiful. Some even said, “You’re perfect!

You see… I was a little embarrassed writing that first paragraph. And my first reaction to my new friends’ opinion of me was embarrassment. I felt a kind of shame. Maybe they didn’t know me well enough yet. In a matter of time they’ll see me for who I really am and lose their positive opinion of me. But they didn’t. They still loved me and thought I was amazing.

It reminded me of this quote from Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

When I drew this Sophia, it conjured up all those memories. She is embarrassed. She feels some shame. Her whole life she’s been taught she is an unworthy sinful worm. She finally escaped that toxic environment and is moving into the revelation of her own perfection. She is perfect just as she is. Deep down she knows it’s true, and soon she’ll live as though it is.

She is an angel. (Read more about Sophia here)

Join so many others who identify with what I’m saying here over at

Purchase the original drawing or a print of this Sophia drawing “Angel”.

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  • Helen


  • Laura Flanders

    Again, wow!! Love this!

  • Sandy

    Absolutely beautiful!

  • Syl

    Wow. Amazing.

  • Ang

    This is amazing! You have a way of connecting your art with the inner depths of your soul. You are helping me find my soul and my being which had been killed by the church. I am getting to where I can smile again. I am getting to where I can cry again. I am thankful.

  • Powerful, David, both your drawing and your words.

    Marianne Williamson’s words are wonderful, too. I’d never of “hiding my light” in quite that way.

  • giordana toccaceli

    gorgeous David….

  • Wow! This image and commentary resonates deeply. So identify with this image of Sophia! I was born into this culture of shame and fear, and spent the first ten years of life imprisoned by it. Grateful to have found the door to freedom.

    My all time favorite Sophia!

  • Crystal ( the original )

    Oh my god! The book I have written about my life is what this is. The feeling I always had as a child that I was worth much more and had so much to give the world but the “world” I lived in took it all away.

    To break free from that is so liberating that now I want to live forever. I want to get my book published and open up the knowledge of what harm we do to our children and young people and older people by preaching such crap to them, in and outside churches.

  • The sin of
    – hate and prejudice
    – abuse and exclusion
    – belittlement and shaming
    is two-fold:
    the mistreatment itself and
    we are harming angels
    aggressor and aggrieved

  • Should have said, ‘I’d never thought of “hiding my light” in quite that way.’ I think faster than my fingers type.

  • BW

    This drawing is amazing, and your words are so true for me as well. Beautiful.

  • Jill

    At the risk of sounding negative, perhaps another feminine angelic being could be drawn with full hips and a round tummy, which would remind those of us not a size 2 that we are also loved just as we are. Thanks for listening, Jill

  • Been following your site for awhile, and love the Sophia series. The art in this one surpasses anything I’ve seen of yours thus far. Really great, well done. I can see how much work it was, and the passion behind it. Keep on!

  • renee altson

    i am intimately acquainted with this sophie.

  • Kris

    That is breathtaking and I love it!

    In all her glory, she is still embarrassed, the most typical and limiting human condition I am still struggling with. God can see her as a perfect creation but she is not ready to. We are all Sophia.

  • debbiedarline

    Wow – I agree – very beautiful, powerful – perfect!

  • “…soon she’ll live as though it is.”

    Go! Love is with you!

  • Barry House

    I can totally relate nakedpastor. What I always needed but missed I found not from others affirmation or validation but from getting alone with God, waiting for the circus of thoughts, frustrations, and vents to pass. Then there in that quiet silence I felt him move in and touch my heart. I had heard all the testimonies of such but this was my first such experience. There, I saw others flaws but I was also shown my own in a tone and spirit that was and is still quite indescribable. I mean who really knew that being touch by God, changed wasn’t just a cliche thrown around in Christian circles. Wow! …..All it took was time. Affirmation, acceptance, and validation from others was always a slippery slope for me, a roller coaster of sorts. Being changed, transformed by Him and then validated by Him is quite different. Forgive me, I’m not competing but merely sharing my story. I’m changed but still growing and its been almost 20 years since that first life-changing experience but by has it ever been a blast. Not always for the faint at heart but I wouldn’t change a thing.