Someone wrote this note to me yesterday:
Your keen awareness of the more subtle abuses of the church, delivered to me in snippets each day on my news feed, has been so validating for me – it has been healing my soul a little.
This is exactly what I do! I thanked that person for articulating it back to me so clearly and simply.
You see, most people inside the abuse don’t see it… neither the abuser or the abused. It has become so normalized that to even raise questions about it provokes rebuke in return. It’s typical of abusive situations. When you suggest it’s happening, the family comes back hard: “Keep your nose out of our business! How dare you! You don’t understand our family!” I’ve seen it thousands of times. I know cops who say that the most dangerous calls are intervening in domestic disputes.
It’s happening pervasively people. I have friends and family and know a lot of people willingly participating in their own abuse… some subtle and some overt. But that’s just how things are done.
For many it’s the tradeoff for belonging.