President Lee on your Seminary Teacher’s Uncle’s Friend whose Daughter Married a Guy who Ran Into President Hunter and the Three Nephites in an Elevator

In context of rumors, random stories, space doctrine, and basically the kind of thing missionaries pass around without any kind of substantiated provenance, President Lee said,
“…it never ceases to amaze me how gullible some of our Church members are…”

President Harold B. Lee, “Admonitions for the Priesthood of God”, Ensign, Jan 1973

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  • Emily U

    Reading that just made my evening.

  • Wonderdog

    “In one sense, the manual is a guide and protection that keeps people from believing outlandish roumors. But the manual is still just a guide and we need to use the scriptures and the Spirit.”
    Richard Holzapfel, The Religious Educator, 12 (1), p. 162, 2011.

  • Urbana-ite

    My first Sunday in this ward we had people bearing testimony of Glenn Beck in Priesthood. Now we have people bearing testimony of BO and liberalism.

    I wish we’d go back to the manual.

  • Wonderdog

    We have one sister in my ward who feels that she can teach what ever she wants. She’s been called on the carpet by several bishops (including myself, UFOs are actually from the City of Enoch!) and a stake president. She was subbing in SS, when she started teaching some crap. I raised my hand and asked if she could give a scriptural reference. No. Anything from the teachings of the prophet or former prophets? No. I then asked her to quit teaching her opinion as doctrine. SHe has an obligation and we have a right to hear proper doctrine.

  • Ben Spackman

    I just like that I was able to work a Picard facepalm into a post.

    Wonderdog, seems like that’s the CHI’s definition of apostasy, no? Repeatedly teaching something that is clearly not Church doctrine in a public setting, even against correction? Not that I’d advocate any kind of action there, but at least she shouldn’t be asked to substitute…

    Also, glad to see someone else reading Religious Educator.

  • David Naas

    Love it!
    Here’s the one I saved from several years ago…
    Dated, but still…

    The Ultimate Mormon Urban Legend

    A Parody of the Best Loved Faith Promoting Rumors of a Peculiar People

    Peter and Molly had just gotten engaged. While at the Lord’s
    University, they had been the Family Home Evening Group’s “Mother” and
    “Father.” He had heard a voice telling him to marry her. His name was
    contained in her patriarchal blessing. For a date, they decided to visit
    temple square and the Church Office Building.

    Molly arrived late. She was late because she had just been to the
    patriarch’s house with her little brother who had Down Syndrome. The
    patriarch told this “general in the war in heaven” that he had
    physically thrown Satan out in the pre-existence, and that he was
    disabled in this life so that Satan would be unable to tempt him more
    than he was able to bear.

    He also told her brother that he would be called home from his mission
    to fight in World War Three when the Constitution would hang by a thread
    and only either Orrin Hatch or the B.Y.U. law school graduates could
    uphold the constitution. The patriarch told her brother that he would
    play a large role in fulfilling the White Horse Prophecy. Molly had
    served her mission in Italy, and when she tried to convert the Pope, he
    told her that he knew Joseph Smith was a prophet but that he had to
    fight against the church because of the 666 on his papal hood. Molly’s
    grandfather was the Japanese pilot who tried to bomb the Hawaiian temple
    during the attack on Pearl Harbor but couldn’t, so he eventually joined
    the church. Molly’s father didn’t go on a mission because he was a
    quarterback for BYU and football was his mission.

    Peter was also running on “Mormon Standard Time.” His little brother had
    just received a mission call that contained a phone number instead of
    telling him where his mission would be. When he called the number, the
    prophet answered the phone and told him that he would be serving a
    three-year mission to China. As a pre-mission present, he bought his
    brother a copy of Bruce R. McConkie’s book “Mormon Doctrine” which has
    over 42,000,000 errors in it and was denounced by every member of the
    Quorum of the Twelve (including Elder McConkie on his deathbed). Peter
    knew this was true with every fiber of his being. Peter had served his
    mission to Southern California and when he tracked into Madonna’s house,
    she tried to seduce him and his companion. Now she gets shocked every
    time she touches a Book of Mormon.

    When Peter arrived, he was drinking a Coke because the church owns a lot
    of stock in Coca-Cola. While in the church office building, Peter and
    Molly spoke to President Monson, whose patriarchal blessing said that he
    would be the prophet in the Millennium. He told them that the Savior
    would come within their lifetimes. He told them that he had just seen
    the Savior walking the halls of the Salt Lake Temple, and that he looked
    exactly like the painting of the red-robed Messiah by Del Parson, except
    with different colored eyes. When they left, they got on the elevator
    and President Kimball and three men wearing robes were in the elevator
    already.

    President Kimball looked down at her wedding ring forged out of a
    horse-shoe nail and told them, “If you knew what I know, you would sell
    that ring and head down to Emergency Essentials.” As the couple turned,
    looking into each other’s eyes and remembering the promises they had
    made to each other in the pre-existence, President Kimball and the three
    men (the three Nephites!) disappeared.

    As they walked past the temple, they saw Alice Cooper, a former member
    of the church, urinating on the temple grounds in tie-dyed garments. His
    old mission companion, Ozzy Osborne, was there also, biting the heads
    off of seagulls. Thank goodness Steve Martin and Lionell Ritchee, both
    members of the church, were there with Eddie Van Halen who was hearing
    the missionary discussions.

    While on their way to Emergency Essentials, they were hit and killed by
    a bus full of missionaries from the MTC heading to the Salt Lake City
    airport. It’s ok–Peter and Molly were needed as missionaries on the
    other side. And after they were “embraced by the light,” those on the
    other side of the veil fell down and worshipped these “generals in the
    war in heaven” because they lived in days of Gordon B. Hinckley.


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