Sleeping Beauty

I have this problem that when I become stressed out or depressed I get narcoleptic. All I want to do is sleep instead of doing things around the house or facing what it is that bothers me. It’s just too easy to lay down, close my eyes and drift off into another reality. This doesn’t solve anything though and I end up in a circle of anxiety and I chastise myself. Why didn’t you do the dishes? Why didn’t you do that load of laundry? Why didn’t you write something? I forget that I need to move around and accomplish things so I can feel better about myself and overcome the depression. Or I can face what is making me anxious and resolve the situation.

For example, I work from home which is great for my anxiety. I don’t have to commute. I finally got a new computer from Vocational Rehabilitation for work. That took a lot off of my mind because I was stressed out trying to work on an old laptop that was sometimes taking three minutes to move from one screen to the next. My customers were getting upset at how long it was taking to help them. That put stress on me. How happy I was to get the new computer and start doing a much faster and more efficient job. It would also look good on my statistics that the supervisors look at.

Then I hit a road block. All of the software but the most essential one uploaded. Now I wasn’t able to take any calls. I missed an entire day of work because I had to send emails back and forth between tech and my supervisors explaining the situation. I slept most of the day and went to bed at 7:30 pm. I do wake up early though between 5 and 6 am though and I’m the type of person who likes nine hours of sleep at night.

One of my posts here was about faith and how I sometimes pray throughout a day if I am stressed. This time I forgot. I felt like I was struggling on my own even though my husband was by my side offering words of encouragement. I’ve relapsed into a sleeping beauty. Someone who won’t wake up accept this time I’m not waiting for Prince Charming to offer true love’s kiss. I need to love myself, pick myself up, and move forward.

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