Monday Morning Confessional

I confess that I’m on week two of my working vacation. I hope this week is more vacation and less working.

I confess that I cannot begin to understand what makes a person walk into a movie theater to kill and injure complete strangers for no apparent reason. I confess that I immediately try to find somebody to blame: I blame our lawmakers. They should be held responsible that there is no federal assault weapons ban. I blame the gun lobby. They foolishly protect the right to buy and wield weapons whose only purpose is to kill other people. I blame his parents. They obviously knew something was wrong. I blame his professors and fellow students, how could they let him become so isolated? How could they not know? I blame James Holmes, why did he have to kill for no reason. What is wrong with this person? I blame our society. We have glorified violence. We who are outraged with the violence of James Holmes have all failed in our desire to reconsider the violence we celebrate in television and movies – even the very movie he interrupted the other night. I confess that my blaming is weak and futile, and the only thing I can do is resolve to hope that new creation will break in, and that new life will come flowing forth from death. I confess that in times like these, I begin to understand why Jesus demands that we love and pray for our enemies.

I confess that I have a heavy heart today for several of my friends who are hurting right now. In each case, there is very little I can do to help. The best I can hope for is to be present to them, pray for them, and hope that the presence of God will heal their broken hearts.

I confess that I am more convinced than ever that the practice of daily bible reading and prayer must forever be a part of my life. Only in my constant returning to the scriptures and the prayers of the church – I mean at least 2-3 times a day – can I begin to see myself as I truly am.

I confess that I feel as though I’m constantly failing in my battle with the “small self.” I confess that my true hero in this life, Rich Mullins, was beloved and revered above all else for his refusal to ever allow anyone to think more highly of him that they ought. He once said that if your ambition was to leave a legacy, you’d leave a legacy of ambition. But if your ambition was to be faithful – to be a genuine human being in the way Jesus makes possible – then the legacy will take care of itself. God save me from my own masquerades, narcissism, and need to feel important.

I confess that I watched (listened to while painting), the entire Ken Burns “The Civil War” series last week. He’s a master storyteller. I confess that I’m nearly finished with “The Monarchy,” a miniseries narrated by David Starkey, who is the snarkiest narrator I’ve ever listened to. I’m learning quite a lot about the crazy monarchs of England.

I confess that I have not spent nearly enough time reading in the past week.

I made my confession… Now you make yours!

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  • Elijah Heintzelman

    I confess that i have been in a pissy mood lately. I confess that there are multiple reasons for this, and i will go into each.
    I confess that the Colorado shooting has had me pretty bogged down with rage. I confess that i still, after giving it much thought, can not find who this anger is for. I was still angry at the shooter, but there is still some other anger that i haven’t identified. I confess that my full rage was not released until i discovered that Westborough (think i spelled that wrong) was going to protest at the funerals of those that died at the Colorado . I confess that the imprisonment of innocent people has never sounded more justifiable.
    I confess that my second “problem” this week is more a “white people problem”, but it had got me so bogged down that i figured MMC was the place for met o go.
    My aunt, uncle, and their kids are staying with my family while they close on their house to close and watch us while my parents are on vacation. I confess that i know this sounds like no big deal, but if you knew my aunt and uncle, you would know were the frustration is coming from. I confess that them being herIe would not be a problem if they weren’t leeches. I confess that my aunt continues to remind us that this is her vacation and she will not be working this week. I confess that the idea of her even thinking that this is her vacation is pure bullshit. I confess that my parents are housing these people, so they better have the common decency to do the one job that they were given. So far, we have had to do this task for them. I confess that i am not the only person who feels this way. I confess that i was up far past midnight (this is unusual for me when i have to work the next day) talk img with one of my siblings

  • I confess l live in a perpetual state of conflicting thoughts. One moment I’m “all in” with the stone throwing at the accused in the Colorado theater shootings. The next, I find myself praying desperately for the Holy Spirit to invade his mind and heart and bring to Light that which is very dark. I confess I recognize my complete reliance upon Christ’s blood for my sins, but then I switch back internally to wanting to throw a brick through the TV.

    I confess that I’ve become a fan of Ken Coleman after his interview on CNN supporting “messy discussions” between who will “eat more chicken” and those who will not.

    I confess that I’d much rather be sailing near Barcelona than dealing with competing pressures at work, home and extended family.

  • Elijah Heintzelman

    Sorry. I accidentally posted before i had finished. Darn you smart phone! I am just gonna pick up were i left off.
    I confess that i stayed up way past midnight taking to I’ve of my siblings, who is having similar problems. I confess that i do not think that was the last talk i will be having this week. I confess that the only reason their not on the street right now, is because i have a moral obligation to help family. I confess that this belief comes from my parents, and i am incredibly thankful that they have influenced me so much. I confess that this is only day four of them being here, and i hope to God that it gets better. Based on how today has gone, it might, but i don’t wanna get my hopes up yet.

  • Brian Cleary

    I confess that I have a heavy heart for my new state of residence. God has sent me to Colorado and he is starting to reveal the brokenness. It’s never a good month when the national news shows up in your state on 3 different occassions. I believe there is something dark and evil going on in this state. I’m not a demon under every rock person, but the recent events have made me pause and reflect. I confess I don’t know how to heal this level of pain in people’s heart, but rejoice that I believe in a God that does. I just want Him to show me how I can be of use.

    I confess I’m upset that people are already politicizing the massacre.
    I confess I’m about to go ballistic on the public school system as my oldest enters kindergarten and I’m expected to buy supplies to support a small country for multiple years. I mean, seriously. Did anyone else have a little box (mine was Superman) that held your pack pencils, crayons, protractor, ruler and travel pack of Kleenex? Tag on a Trapper Keeper (that just gave away my age I think) and some folders and that was it. $6 and done.

    I also confess that when the homeless guy approached my car while I was trying to get in with my groceries, my first thought was to prepare to fight and drive away. Once I realized he wasn’t coming after me, I brushed him off and got in the car. I had this feeling that he violated my personal space, yet I wondered if my reaction was the correct one. I believe it was justified, but being justified doesn’t necessarily make it right.

  • Wendy LeBlanc

    I confess that my heart goes out to the shooter and the sad, dark place he had to be in to execute such a disgusting plan. While my heart breaks for the victims, their loved ones, the mom who is in critical condition still and does not know her six year old is dead, the wife that didn’t get to celebrate with her husband yesterday on their one year anniversary because he was shot and killed on his birthday, and the witnesses and emergency personnel whose lives will forever be scarred. Yet, I still have a heavy heart for this kid that sits in solitary confinement with a world against him. He is someone’s son, brother, grandson, uncle…..

    I confess that I wish I could reach out to him and remind him that despite his horrible, despicable act, he shares the same father in heaven that we do. He is a young man with a sick and demented mental problem, but is he not still our brother? Does God not love him anymore because of this? I confess that I believe God does love him the same as He loves me…

  • Chris Heintzelman

    I confess that I’m getting pretty used to doing my MMC on Wednesday night.

    I confess that I am in the Colorado Rockies with my wife for the week. We have hiked many many miles and are completely blown away by God’s wonders. I confess that I have never wanted to write as much I do right now. It feels like our time in the mountains has opened up countless metaphors about life, love, and reality. I am anxious to get these on paper (or on a screen).

    I confess that I am a crazy jumble of emotions over the theater shooting. I struggle with all of the normal questions. I want to blame. I wonder about God’s plan. I don’t really deal with shock. If I’m honest, I am more shocked that humanity manages to not shoot each other more often. As much as our society glorifies violence, and as easy as it is to get our hands on the tools necessary to kill, mixed that fact that we are all sinners, really makes it surprising to me that this doesn’t happen more often. I confess that this pessimism bothers me, but there it is. I confess that what bothers me the most about tragedies like this is the way they overshadow other tragedies. Approximately 18,000 children die every day of hunger. There is enough food to go around. We don’t have a supply problem, we have a distribution problem. This is a tragedy, but I haven’t seen a single news program discussing it. I guess I’m not upset that people are appalled by the Colorado shooting, they should be. I confess that I am upset that people aren’t appalled by more.

    I confess that I miss my kids. In our condo, the laundry is easy. Cooking is a breeze. The dishes are a joke. Caring for only 2-1/2 of us is a piece of cake. I hate it. I’m enjoying every minute I have with my wife, but I miss the chaos, activity, and even the work of my big family. I confess that it is weird to want this week to never end and to not be able to wait to get home, all at the same time.