It’s all been leading to this. And I don’t just mean the long-ago dreams of Georges Méliès to transform fantasy into cinematic vision. I speak, of course, of everything the authors of the Book of Revelation were talking about. World, Nicolas Cage is set to do a remake of “Left Behind.” What is there to say beyond, “Should we put up our umbrellas now, because it’s about to start raining blood?”
You may recall the original “Left Behind.” It’s the “Star Wars” of rapture-action movies, the 2000 blockbuster that spawned two sequels and is the single biggest reason that Kirk Cameron still gets booked on talk shows to explain why Darwin was wrong. Based on Tim LaHaye’s apocalyptic best-seller, “Left Behind” tells the tale of Buck Williams, one of the unfortunate denizens of the human race who don’t get to skip out on a buttload of tribulations the Bible warned about, and is instead saddled with battling the Antichrist.
There are ancient prophecies. Lots of stuff blowing up. Ominous warnings about “seven years of peace.” And dialogue like, “But I am turning over my formula to a consortium of U.N. delegates!” In other words, what took Hollywood 12 years to see that this crap has Nic Cage’s name written all over it? Fortunately, that’s about to change. Variety reports the actor is now in negotiations for “a mainstream reboot” trilogy from the “faith-oriented” Cloud Ten Pictures. So it’ll be mainstream. But faith-based. That should be old hat to Cage, who knows all about AAAAAGLLLLLUUUUUGGGHing his way through films with religious themes. Three words: Not. The. Bees.…
Frankly, if you’re going to reboot a series, I imagine it’d be far more lucrative to just send Buck Williams back to high school for a good old-fashioned, product tie-in rich origin story. I’m sure the angels drink Sprite and Logan Lerman’s not getting any younger, guys. But if there’s a grown-up reimagining of one of the most unusual blockbusters God ever created, it’s somehow only fitting that Nic Cage – former sorcerer and Ghost Rider — would be the star. His recent movie history certainly reads like a harbinger of the End of Days anyway. And while his latest endeavor may not summon the Beast, it’s a fair bet that it represents a little death for all our moviegoing brain cells.
No comment from television’s Kirk Cameron as of yet!
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