Book Notes: A Kinkade Disney Luminosity

Book Notes: A Kinkade Disney Luminosity March 24, 2018

[This gnome with a dragon is not impressed with your coloring skills.]

Gosh, I love Flipboard. Bet it’s owned by Facebook, though. That’s too bad. Still, I love the bright shiny-ness of it, the silent flipping from one article to another, the lack of commenting capabilities, the lie that I am just diligently reading the news and making up my own mind. I love it so much this week I forgot to read any books.

But then this “book” was brought to my attention by a “friend.”
You must click the link before you carry on reading, because otherwise this post will be thousands of pages long as I try to describe what on earth is going on here.

Amazon describes the “painter” this way,

Thomas Kinkade, the celebrated Painter of Light, is the most widely collected artist in the world. His tranquil, light-infused paintings affirm the basic values of family, home, faith in God, and the luminous beauty of nature.

Truly, I did not know this. Is this fake news? He is the “most widely collected artist in the world?” Is that because he sold out to the siren song of crass commercialism? When you grab a puzzle off the shelf at Walmart, you know, when you’re in a tearing hurry and you just need to get a puzzle because everyone is going to be lying around with nothing to do in the cabin by the lake and will blow through sixty puzzles in 24 hours and it doesn’t even matter, and then you also grab like three of those blankets printed with pictures of cottages nestled beside quiet but strangely unnerving streams, and then a couple of mugs so that when you’re sitting in the glow of your lake cabin, the light literally flooding in from all the different directions so that there is no true focus but just nostalgia ladeled all over everything in one soupy terrible apocalyptic mess, what you’ve really done is “collected the art” of Thomas Kinkade? Boy, I want in on some of that cash. And with Disney no less. What an incredible deal.

Anyway, here is the video of the person turning the pages over one by one. Light emanates from all of them. Every. Single. One.

And the values of family, home, and faith in God fairly leap from the page to smack you with their magical Disney wands. Oh, the enchantment! Oh, the pinks and purples! Oh, the time I wish I had in my life of sit down and color in an expensive, and yet in the sense of the soul, very cheap book, the psychological demands of modern life being brought to nothing as I just sit and self-sooth with my shiny pens and my Mini Mouse and my princesses.

What I want in my Easter Basket is a Thomas Kinkaid Crucifixion, the whole thing just bathed in luminous, nostalgic light. Actually, scratch that. I would like to work out a deal with Kinkaid and Disney so that I can have some of my own thoughts printed on blankets and coffee cups. I want “Jesus Appreciates Your Sacrifice” scrawled in loopy swirls under some flowers and a puppy.

Tinkerty Tonk. And I mean for it to sting.


Browse Our Archives