Spiritual Appetite

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We are winding down the days of Ramadan, a spiritually potent month in which Allah revealed the Quran. Since this is a month of remembrance, reflection, reconciliation and resilience, Muslim communities worldwide devoted the month to reciting as much Quran as possible and attending nightly tarawih prayers at the mosque, in which the entirety of the Holy Book is completed roughly over a course of nearly 30 days.

Although these are not obligatory rituals, there is massive spiritual brownie points involved and the communal experience of Ramadan is heightened by participating in these nightly events.

Back when I was 21 years old and attempting to become an Optimus Prime Transformer Muslim, I made sure to hit every Tarawih prayer and read or listen to as much Quran during this month as possible.

Sadly, this year I spent more time listening to Kanye, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and Benassi. This was more a reflection of my insanely busy work schedule and compulsive need to stay awake at night doing work by listening to throbbing beats, instead of a heathen-sabbatical lathered in Godless-hedonism for those who are quietly judging or inquiring.

Regardless, I’ve attempted to come up with some intelligent defenses, such as, “Dear Lord, had you not blessed Kanye with such sic beats, then I would not be compelled to listen to the album “Watch the Throne.” So, essentially, by listening to “Who Gon’ Stop Me?” and appreciating the dope beats, in a sense, am I not in awe of my Creator who inspired such dopeness?”

Of course, I do not confess this prayer outloud in fear of beign struck by thunderbolt and lightening.

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Top 10 Things to Rama-don’t by Maria Jan

This Ramadan Muslims are flocking to local grocery stores gathering items for nightly feasts that rival anyone’s modest Thanksgiving. Being that many of your friends and neighbors might not know the proper etiquette – below I have attached a brief set of guidelines which can be distributed to set individuals ensuring a smooth and calm process for all.

10. Hamburger…?

9. We still love you, and that will be more evident post-feast.

8. Most of your friends will be thinking about food and won’t be paying close attention to your stories. Please forgive them if they answer your questions with a glazed look while mouthing the word “Hamburger…?” as if that was the answer to your question.

7. Not all of your Muslim friends ‘enjoy’ Ramadan.

6. Muslim-y is not a word, stop referring to Ramadan being one of those Muslim-y things. It’s not that it’s offensive, it’s that adding a ‘y’ at the end of something doesn’t make it a real word.

5. Refrain from asking obvious questions such as “Aren’t you hungry yet?”

4. No, your Muslim friend will not watch Iron Chef with you, but that has nothing to do with Ramadan, it’s just that the show is so 2003.

3. Your Muslim friend will be more lethargic than usual, walk slower and don’t worry, this too shall pass.

2. Remember Ramadan is not Lent, your Muslim friend has given up more than just chocolate.

1. Refrain from teasing your Muslim friend with food no matter how much you believe that you are testing their reserve. They might smack the be-jeezus out of you.