Desires, Dreams & White Walls by Tricia Exman

It’s fascinating that the heart is the container of those desires the Lord wants to give us when we delight ourselves in Him, and it is also the place from which flow the springs of life (Psalm 37:4; Proverbs 4:23).  I have an incredible interest in studying the connections between our heart, our emotions and our brain – it’s something that has intrigued me for the past few years and the Lord has shown me so many ways that science has proven the Truth of His Word.  Imagine, the God Who created us, knowing how He designed us, instructs us with scientific accuracy in the ways we should handle our hearts, emotions and thoughts!!

Here’s a tidbit – did you know that before the brain is ever even formed in an unborn fetus, the heart starts beating?  And scientists have yet to find anything that triggers it to start beating – the heart initiates the heartbeat within itself.  When I read that in my recent studies, several dots began to connect for me, starting with a vision I had almost four years ago.

But I’m going to back up even further.  When I surrendered my life to the Lord five years ago, He began giving me promises.  Now, as I believed these promises, I began to open up to dreaming for the first time I could remember in my life.  As promises were deposited into me by the Lord, there were times that I was literally doubled over by the impact.  As I began to dream and ponder these promises, fear began to rise up in me.  So that brings us up to the time of the vision.  At the time, I was working with a spiritual counselor on some inner healing, and this fear came up.  She talked to me about how we have a tendency to use our own personal framework (i.e. experiences, current situation, etc.) for the promises the Lord gives to us.  She prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what my fear was.

As she prayed, I saw myself taking an 8×10 picture of my “dreams” and placing it in a frame.  I then took it and hung it on this HUGE blank white wall – the only thing on this wall was my 8×10 picture.  Then I saw the Lord’s hand reach out and take my picture off of the wall, and He handed me a wallet-sized photo.  SO, my fear was that I was dreaming too big; He doesn’t have those big of dreams for me; I’m not worthy of big dreams; my dreams are frivolous – you get the idea.

So my counselor prayed again that the Holy Spirit would show me Truth.  Again, I saw myself taking an 8×10 picture of my “dreams”, placing it in a frame and hanging it on this HUGE blank white wall.  Again, the Lord’s hand reached out and took my picture off of the wall.  This time though, He picked up a painter’s pallet and painted a ceiling-to-floor, wall-to-wall mural!!!  The entire wall was covered with vibrant colors – though I was unable to make out the “picture”.

Why was this vision so important?  Because as soon as the Lord began giving me promises, everything in my life circumstances according to my framework that would have been “required” for my dreams to become reality began to break apart – piece by piece – until one day about a year and a half ago, I realized I was staring at that blank white wall.  It’s interesting to note that the Lord didn’t paint the wall around my picture by “adding” to what I had placed on the wall.  He took it down.  And I sat for over a year crying out like David in the Psalms, “How long?  Lord, how long until you begin painting the mural?”

Then one day last summer, I was driving home from a conference and I saw the blank white wall before me – great!!  As if I hadn’t stared at it enough!!  But all of a sudden, I saw Him breathe on the upper right-hand corner of the wall, and some of the mural became visible briefly – and then it faded again.  I was reminded of the movie National Treasure.  There’s a scene in the movie where they have stolen the Declaration of Independence because they believe there is a secret code on the back of it.  In order to “see” or “reveal” the code, they are carefully putting lemon juice on the back of the document.  But nothing happens – until they realize that it needs heat, so they use their breath to breathe on the lemon juice to activate it.  WALLA – the code becomes visible!  I heard the Lord say that the mural of His promises and desires for me has been painted on the wall since the foundations of the world.  He will be breathing life into them in the coming days.

So it’s been a season of “the coming days”.  But it’s a curious thing how comfortable dead dreams have become!!  As life is breathed into dreams and desires, and hope is awakened, it is actually painful – it hurts to hope!!  It’s a new place of hanging in the balance of our natural fight-or-flight instinct, programmed by our brain – to either fight (try to control things or resist things) or to simply run away.  It’s hanging in the balance of fear and actively waiting on the Lord – allowing Him to breathe while I breathe with Him, and watching things unfold.

So is it possible that the “thing” that initiates the heartbeat within the heart itself is the Lord placing – by His own “breath” – the desires and dreams He has for us; is that the “spark”?  And is our delighting in the Lord our willingness to dream with Him – because quite frankly, I’ve found that to be a place of GREAT vulnerability!!!  It seems that as soon as we arrive into this world, layer upon layer of “world” (disappointment, stress, pain, suffering, injustice, failure, rejection, etc.) gets shoveled over the deepest callings of our hearts – and we become “dead” to desire.  Life flows again when we can re-dig those wells of desire in our intimacy with the Lord – as He awakens the dead places in our hearts.  IF you are willing, go there!  OH – GO THERE!!!

Tricia Exman

Founder / President of Presence Coaching

“EdenQuest: The Ultimate Journey to Rest” is a totally free resource for spiritual growth.  Find it at the “Coaching Videos” tab on her website.

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