Lies, Damned Lies, and Quotations

Please tell me I’m right about the Polonius thing.  College was a long time ago.

The thing that bothers me about the last ten days is that I bet you can’t tell which I wrote when I was heavily medicated and which I wrote when I wasn’t, can you?  My back hurts and my leg hurts and tingles and sometimes goes away entirely, and then it comes back, and I think about just kind of finding a hacksaw and getting rid of it.  I’m having an x-ray tomorrow.  Oh!  I should swallow something weird and freak out the x-ray tech!  What should I eat?  I think a Godzilla figurine would be too spikey, but that would be funny.  What else?  (NOW LOOK, this is a nice Catholic blog, so when a nice Catholic lady says, “What should I swallow?” YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF, you male readers.  You know who you are.  I should hope.)

p.s. If the doctor says I just need more exercise, I am going to kill myself.

  • Dennis

    Personally, I think you should swallow an ‘Aliens’ figuring out of homage to Sigourney (Sigorny?, Sigourny?, Cigarony?) Weaver.

  • Pat S

    Odds are good the radiologist might miss Godzilla – try for something bigger :)

  • richard

    I will pray a special prayer for you in advance of your doctor’s appointment. Now I must be off to my dental cleaning today.

  • Cathy Adamkiewicz

    This reminds me of one of my aunts who had an x-ray when she was hospitalized. The tech was baffled at the crazy image that appeared – it was a rosary! Aunt Mimi hadn’t swallowed it – it was beneath her on the gurney. So there’s always that option if you think the Godzilla figure might be too tough to manage. :)

  • Kristen

    You do realize I predicted the awesomeness of NCR posts while on painkillers :) And this reminds me of my high school anatomy and physiology class when my teacher had us look at old x-rays to see if we could identify the various foreign objects ;)

  • Mil

    Simcha, sending prayers your way. I had the same pain and symptoms. Turns out I needed discetctomy (fancy name for surgery for a herniated disc). X-ray may not find it. MRI would. God bless you!

  • Louise

    My favorite misquotation is attributed to Shakespeare: “When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.” GAH.

    I hope your appointment goes well– What a way to begin Holy Week!

  • victor

    I do know who I am, but are you sure it’s not just a pinched nerve? You could get an inversion apparatus and hang upside down for just a few minutes a day. That might help.

  • anna lisa

    Darn. That really hurts. I get a version of the back/rear/shooting pain down the leg episodes too. Bummer. My Mom had an extreme episode of it, but she went for therapy and took painkillers. The body gets rid of the tissue that is protruding from between the discs eventually. Don’t. let. them. cut. you. open. I’m told that I need to strengthen my core to get rid of it. Oddly enough It would go *away* when I was pregnant!

    tsk, tsk on the naughty comment. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. Yes you.

    It’s all about *staying legal* while being extremely creative (heh) which is really much, much more awesome, wouldn’t you say?

  • Corita

    Hey didn’t you have a lotta babies? That can be murder on the back. For me it was the giant gulf between my abdominal muscles that relentless child-hefting-while-pregnant created. That led to poor physical form and back problems.

    If that is part of the trouble, the solution might be more exercise….except for the exercises you are not supposed to do b/c they make it worse…which I don’t know what they are, so don’t ask me. I am currently exercising in ignorance and I like it that way.

  • Tiffany

    I think my comment got spammed. :( I’ll try emailing you.

  • Jennifer H.

    I know you don’t want to hear it but exercise really did save my back… I was in constant pain, lower back/tailbone area and sciatica in both legs. Some days I could barely stand straight. I started with an easy 15 minute walk 3 times a day and worked up from there. It took about two months for my pain to improve, about six months and I was mostly “cured”. I am currently 6 months into my 10th pregnancy, and still walking (with intervals of jogging) doing zumba and weights.

  • Ryan

    It sounds like you have a strained sciatic muscle :-( Praying!

  • MtMama

    I hate to tell you this, but exercise may be needed. I develop chronic lower back pain whenever I spend too much time sitting (hello, computer). My remedy has been to visit the chiropractor, walk (I aim for daily, but…) and get up often from the computer chair (sometimes I stand, most often I kneel – looks like some kind of weird worship to the kids, but it saves my back). My husband who works at the computer (as opposed to what I do) has adopted the same strategy sans kneeling. I hope you get relief at least by Holy Saturday; the suffering before that may have great spiritual benefit (so they say). After that, the kids will just be mad you screwed up their Easter Egg Hunt.

  • richard

    I forgot to mention that I have no dentures yet.

  • jen

    Sheesh, people! If Simcha didn’t want to hear about exercise from her doc I’m sure she doesn’t need it from us. Besides, having babies is exercise. The biggest work out of everything, ever. And Simcha is a pro. So I think we should all just stop using the “e” word. Simcha: I love the under-the-gurney idea. You could stuff a TON of random stuff under there – rosary, action figures, hair bows… a little of everything. My son is getting a spinal X-ray next week and I’m tempted now… ;)

  • Sarah

    so, which articles were the medicated ones!??