The Parts Readers Skip

Gee, I’ve been educated a lot this week about what writing is for — about what writers ought to be able to get away with, because they’re crafting an underappreciated genre called a persuasive essay; or because we gots to fight against the Twitterification of America with its puny, shrunken 140-character-wide brainspan; or because sometimes meandering and hemming and hawing are illustrative of a human experience and are therefore not only excusable but relevant, even unto 9,000+ words.

Hey, you know what? I never liked Montaigne, either.  I read enough to get my college degree

and then I donated all my Montaigne to the library book sale some other poor liberal arts sophomore can admire ol’ Michele’s finger sniffing ways.  As for me and my house, I will take notes on the first sixteen pages and then fake the rest.  I’m the reader; I get to decide what I want to read.  I push the boundaries of my tastes often enough that I can trust myself to occasionally say, “This stinks” — and I can still sleep at night.

Have you ever read anything by Elmore Leonard?  I haven’t.  Whether it’s any good or not doesn’t actually matter, because his rules for writing are fan-effing-tastic.

Best of all, I like #10:  Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

Think about that for a second.  It seems so obvious; and yet it’s so obvious that so many writers simply don’t do this.  They don’t think about the audience at all.  They don’t worry about being engaging.  They just worry about this exquisite river of ideas which pours forth from their precious mindspring.

Well, guess what, Mr. Tappy Tappy?  Nobody owes you a reading.  You’re not writing for myself. You already know what you think, and you already care about you ideas.  Everybody else?  Why should they?  You have to earn it.

I don’t always work hard, God knows.  But when I think have something important to say, I do work really hard to be clear, to make my writing engaging, to make my points easy to understand, and to pay the reader back handsomely if he has to make an effort to follow what I’m saying. He’s the reader; he gets to decide what he wants to read.  And the minute I forget that, that’s when my writing gets shitty.

So I work.  And then, if people still don’t like what I wrote, I have three choices:

1. I can say, “The hell with you.  I did my best, and if you don’t like it, then goodbye to you and farewell to thee.”

2.  I can say, “Uh oh, a lot of people didn’t understand what I meant, either because I dropped the ball, or because this is a tricky topic.” And then I write a follow up piece.  (This seems to be what Joseph Bottum is saying.)

Or, 3. I can whine and moan about how dim everyone is, and how brave I am, and how hard it is to put myself out there day after day, booey hooey hoo, and now they’re even saying mean things about me, even though I said something that I knew would upset people!  (Oh look, it’s my paycheck in the mail, and it’s really big this month, because I was Controversial!)  What was I saying?  Oh, yeah, booey hooey hooooo . . .

(Sometimes I indulge in #3.  But at least I feel bad about it.)

Every so often, someone writes to me asking for advice about writing.  I used to try to be helpful, but now I just try to talk them out of it.  Why?  Because they seem to think it’s just a matter of finding the right door, behind which there are throngs of people just waiting and wishing and hoping that their savior writer will come to tell them what to think.

That’s not how it goes.  How it goes is, you probably have nothing new to say.  Nothing.  The best you can possibly hope for is that you can find a slightly new way to present something that will remind a few people of what they already know.

And most of the people who read what you say will miss your point entirely, or read what they want or expect to read.  Or they won’t care, and won’t even read it, but they will insult you anyway.  They will demand that you explain yourself, even though you already did.  They will be, in a word, stupid.

And you know what?  That’s their problem.  It’s not yours.  You have two jobs:  to try as hard as you can to make people want to read what you have to say, and then to forget all about it once you’re done.

Think you can hack it?  Think you can tear hours out of your schedule and pour it into the keyboard, press “publish,” and then just get on with the rest of your life, dealing with dinner and diapers and bad drivers and no milk for breakfast and a million other things that are really important, and yet have nothing to do with you and your precious idea butterflies?  Okay, then have at it!

But for crying out loud, unless you really are Montaigne (or Gay Talese, or Martin Luther King, Jr., or Robert Louis Stevenson, or Benjamin Franklin, or Mark Twain– or if, at very least, you understand why these guys are great), do it in fewer than 9,000 words.

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  • woden325

    I have always taken William Strunk’s advice from The Elements of Style: “omit needless words.” If you can say what you need to say in 25 words, rather than 100, your reader will appreciate it. If you need all 100 words, use ’em, but not one word mre.

    As for “Twitterification,” I get very tired of people making witty comments about how “only twits use twitter! (chortle)”. It’s not a medium for in-depth discussion, but it is useful to connect with other people, get an idea what people are talking about in all sorts of places, find interesting links to interesting sites, etc. The people who dismiss it because of the character limit, I think, often confuse loquacity with intelligence.

  • MightyMighty1

    I read the link–so awesome. Great post. This is why I suck as a blogger. 🙂

    Also, do you still get money from Amazon if we click through your links? Can you make it easier to find a recent amazon link if this is the case? I’m doing a bunch of shopping soon….

    • simchafisher

      Indeed I do! Thanks so much for asking. I keep meaning to put an Amazon button on the sidebar. In the mean time, if you click on any of the posts tagged “50 books till Christmas,” you will find links to books on Amazon. If you continue to shop without opening a new Amazon window (just search for what you wanted after you arrive at the Amazon page of book I reviewed), I will get a percentage of any sales.
      Thanks again, and thanks for the reminder to put an Amazon widget up!

      • MightyMighty1

        I always laugh when I look at my wish lists, which are named things ending with “and use Simcha’s links”.

        We went to a home school convention a few weeks ago and Sacred Heart Books was there. We bought a small stack of books that you’ve recommended before. I feel like getting good book picks from someone like you (good reader with kids) has helped us develop our taste in children’s books. When you ripped into The Giving Tree, it sort of gave me permission to acknowledge that I’ve never liked the seemingly-obvious moral to the story: love means one person obliterates the other one, and then comes back to sit on them when things suck. Which in turn has given me permission to just love or hate books because I do, even if I stand alone in my opinion.

  • The Ubiquitous

    Too long, didn’t read.

    • simchafisher

      Yeah, joke’s on you: it was so long, I didn’t even write it. I just attached the keyboard directly to my ass and let it rip.

      • The Ubiquitous

        Yeah, my ass is pretty ripped, too.

        • Sara McD

          This exchange is the best part of the article. That says something about me, I think.

  • Mary Schreiner

    I once was told, “Don’t use dollar words when dime words will do it.” I think that’s along the same lines here. No need to think of twenty words no one knows to describe the weather when, “hot, sticky, I’m melting!” works just as well to paint a picture.

  • Anna

    The beginning reminds me of St. Aelred, whom I had to read for some lecture in college and who earned my undying gratitude for saying, right up front, that he was including a table of contents so that readers could decide what they needed to read and what to skip. So I did just that.

  • Good.

  • Allison Grace

    I learned; I liked it.

  • richard

    Years ago I had a great desire to write non-fiction. Alas I fiddled around until the urge went away. Procrastination had something to do with it.

  • LiveOaksandSpanishMoss

    You should teach composition at high schools.

    • Marissa Nichols

      Something tells me the students wouldn’t survive (meant as a compliment, of course)!

  • Darryl Harb

    Any of “Dutch” Leonard’s Detroit/Miami crime novels are well worth it; I’ve read them all. See the master in action. But allow me to suggest 2 rules for readers who use Amazon (and who doesn’t?). 1) Avail yourself of the “read free sample” option. This has saved me from buying many a bad book. 2) Read the bad (one-star) reviews first. The many-starred positive reviews are automatically suspect (I’m sure they’re often put there by authors themselves). And an articulate bad review will make clear to the savvy reader just what’s wrong with a book, while a poorly-written bad review may indicate the positive reviewers are on to something.

  • Marissa Nichols

    I love his reference to Steinbeck too! Thanks for this!