Husband cracks me up

I am on monastic retreat until the weekend, and have scheduled two reposts each day of pieces that some may not have read before. Comments will be off until I return. You might like peeking into last year’s Online Retreat

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From April, 2009: AMUSING HUSBAND

My husband came home from work today at 5 P.M.

This is something he has not done in our 26.5 years together, so understandably, I was concerned; he immediately began rummaging the kitchen for dark chocolate, which is his one vice.

I held my breath and asked the dread question: “You didn’t get laid off, did you?”

“No,” he said, munching.

“Well, er…if you’re feeling unwell, you probably shouldn’t be eating chocolate.”

He raised his eyebrows. “This from the woman who thinks chocolate should be called medicine. No, I’m not sick.”

This is very strange. I’m not sure what to do with him home so early. He looked over my shoulder as I was busy selecting business cards, and he kept picking out religious ones. “That’s pretty the cross and the rose,” he said.

“Yeah, pretty if I were a minister. Or, you know. . .an undertaker?”

He pointed to another card, a cross over water – very “free inspirational booklet.”

“That’s awful,” I said, making a face. “And I don’t only write about religion, I write about politics, too, so no.”

“Well, why don’t you just put Obama’s picture on your card, then it’s political and religious, too!”

He made me laugh, and I don’t mind kissing a guy who tastes like dark chocolate, but I made him go away.

A few minutes later, I called him back in and asked his opinion on another card. “Hurry up,” he said. “I’m missing Cash Cab!”

Oh, trouble.

On the rare day he comes home early, he plops down and watches Cash Cab. I have visions of our senior citizenhoods, (citizenshood?) and it makes me tremble.

So, right now he is all over the house looking for a snack because he is “starving.” This is a man who can work until 10 P.M. without thinking of supper, but today he’s home early and he’s going through the cabinets and the fridge like a locust.

Elder Son is cooking tonight. I’m not allowed to know what, but it has something to do with onions and ginger.

He says we’re not eating for a while, so I have to go distract the husband before he eats a boxful of crackers and some olives.

Meanwhile – since I know some folks are only just now able to see me since the transition, here’s what you might have missed: Yesterday I demanded that I be named head of Homeland Security and that no one named Janet ever be offered a cabinet post, again. Also, in that thread, I finally define what it is a “community organizer” does. I also pointed you toward a 7 year of of uncommon sense and valor, and two downright gorgeous short films with downright Waughian flavors. The day before that, since I couldn’t use the site much, I talked to Ed Morrissey for an hour about this-and-that, and impersonated Roseanne Roseannadanna for him. We’ve also talked here about competition for The Vagina Monologues, how grace helps carry baggage and, finally, because it’s important – every mother needs recognition – I’ve strongly recommended rosary bracelets, soaps, toffee, Liquid Crack and mustard for your Mother’s Day Shopping.

See you after supper, when I’m pretty sure someone will be snoozed out on the couch!

UPDATE:
Speaking of Mother’s Day, note in the right-hand sidebar that I just picked up a new ad for Fair-Trade gift items; Gifts With Humanity, that looks interesting. I thought the jewelry, scarves and stationary looked very nice, and a Gift Card is always a good idea, too. If you need “something different” for you mother, you might find it there.

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