Book Signings–how to do them successfully

This is a serious post.

I personally hate book signings.  I did my first one twenty-six years ago.  I know when it was, because my twenty-six-year-old daughter was in a baby carrier.  I was still carrying the “I just had a baby” belly and trying to look glamorous.  There was another book signer next to me.  She was actually glamorous, and she had a prop which was not a baby.  She had a beauty queen.  A real one.  Crown on head, mini-skirt revealing perfect legs, sash across her torso identifying her as “Miss Magnificent” or something.  There was a line of women lined up to have their books signed by the author, and each wanted to know what colors would suit them well.  The glamorous woman was candid.  “You’re wearing the wrong colors.  Completely wrong.  You are an autumn, and you’re wearing winter.”

I, on the other hand, had no line waiting for me to sign my book.  Finally, my mother came up to my little table and said loudly, “I’ve heard that this is the best book ever written in LDS literature.  Are you Margaret Young?”

I tried not to snort.  “I am Margaret Young,” I said.

“Well,” said Mom, “I am thrilled to meet you.” She was my first customer.

A few minutes later, another woman approached.  “I don’t usually buy fiction,” she said, “but I heard that lady say this was the best one out there.”  She was my second customer.  I might have sold only those two books that day.  When Darius Gray and I were peddling our books on black Mormon pioneers, we did a book signing in Roy, Utah and sold a total of one.  That was when I told the folks at Deseret Book that I didn’t want to leave my children to go to a book signing when nobody seemed interested.

But, I did learn some tricks and secrets, which I will now share.  These are particularly for Michael Hicks, who is about to embark on a book signing.

1) Customers are suspicious of you.  You are the Kirby vacuum salesman, and if they meet your eyes, they will be obliged to engage in conversation with you.  That’s why most customers avert their eyes three seconds before approaching you–or else they turn around and find another path to the Twilight series. Therefore, you need to help them feel more comfortable.  Lines that work: “Lisa?  Is that you?”  When the woman says she is not Lisa, you say, “No, of course you’re not.  Lisa was kidnapped five years ago. You know how you can suddenly think you see someone and it’s not who you think it is?  Have you ever had that happen?”
The response will be quick. “Yes.”
No, pounce gently.  “I swear, when my uncle died, I kept thinking I was seeing him.  You know?”
Now, they might actually respond.  “Yes.  That happened to me when I lost my cousin.”
“My uncle sang in the Tabernacle Choir.  So every time I’d see a broadcast of the choir, I’d think I was seeing him.  Especially when they’d sing that one hymn—oh, what is it called?  ‘Softly lift the holy strain’?  No, that’s not it.  ‘Gently…”
She should interrupt at this point.  “Gently Raise the Sacred Strain.”
“That’s it.  I love that.  You know, there’s quite a story about that song.  Here it is–on page seventy-two…”
At this point, you have cinched a sale.

But this is not all.  Position your team throughout the store.  Each is instructed to say things like this. “Is that really [your name]?  I love his work!  I’m too scared to go meet him.  He’s, like, famous.  Will you go with me?” Or, “I think I got the last copy of the book.  No–wait.  They’re bringing out some more.  Love this guy.”  Or, “Man, talk about luck!  I just happened to be in here, and he’s doing a signing!”

And of course, that is not all.  Have visual aids, eye-catching ones.  Cuckoo clocks that go off every ten minutes are perfect.  The children will love to wait for the cuckoo and will lead their parents right up to you.  You simply further the conversation.  “Wanna know why I have a cuckoo clock with me?”  (The reason has something to do with the book.)

Many authors use candy.  I find that customers are sneaky, though.  They grab the candy and look away.  Simply take their hand as they reach into the chocolates and shake it firmly.  Say, “Thank you so much for stopping by.  I needed to see a friendly face!”

Other tips: Smile.  Smile at everybody.  The majority will look away immediately, but keep smiling.  Have someone with you so you can talk about the book.  You should never be alone like you’re getting left out of the dance.  We’ve all seen authors in that position at Costco.  They fold their arms, pretend to look at the produce, read their own introduction several times, and people walk quickly past them.  The person with you can be a sibling or a friend, but they should look like a customer.  They should say things like, “Oh my gosh!  I had no idea!  That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.  How much us this book?  Seriously?  That is a steal!”

If all else fails, have a crown in a little bag under the table.

You’re welcome.