Ha! Made you look. Because actually, there is no such thing. If there was, see, you would be getting your recommendations on who to vote for straight from the pulpit. And we all know how well that would go over, don’t we?
But that’s not how the Bulwark of Truth, the Church, operates when it comes to elections nowadays, is it? Not here in the United States, and not anywhere. No. The Church allows you to exercise prudential judgement in matters of politics. So I’ll continue to provide thoughts to you on the upcoming Presidential election from disparate and nefarious sources as I please.
Like The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart, for example. But that was yesterday. For today though, I’ve got a few actual Catholics for you. They aren’t “bastions of Catholic social commentary” any more than I am. But I think they will do in a pinch. First up is another Comedy Central type you may be familiar with.
We must see another commercial!
And for even more penetrating analysis, because this is profoundly serious business so it will be commercial free, I present you another person who ain’t just Catholic, but Catholic in a very bad way. Yes, the original Bad Catholic—John Zmirak. John is in the cross-hairs of an election gale the likes of which haven’t been seen in, …lemme see here… four whole years! Tell it, John.
As a resident of New Hampshire, it’s hard for me to miss the spastic surges of activity that precede the upcoming Republican primary. On the one hand, I find this year’s contest refreshing, since it’s one of the first years since 1976 (when, as an eager 11-year-old, I cheered on Reagan’s challenge to the torpid Gerald Ford) that the Republican contest doesn’t feel like something that party bosses had already chewed up and were leaning down to spit into the voters’ beaks. The debates, and with them the contests for the nomination, seem a whole lot more real, and the entire process could prove more authentically representative. Which would be a good thing, assuming we’re not a bunch of nuts—and that remains to be seen.
On the down side, the candidates are each profoundly flawed, and I worry that the outcome will be ugly: that we’ll end up with someone waving the party banner whose many problems will make it easy for the Democrats to re-elect their flaccid, bloodless bumbler, who will duly anoint two more appalling justices to the Court, who will use his authority to back still more assaults on religious liberty. So I’m at once edified, and worried. This suggests that it might be time for me to undertake a careful assessment of each candidate’s electability, character, and leadership qualities, and judiciously assess their proposed policies in the light of Catholic teaching and profane prudence.
But I got bored even writing that sentence, and I’m sure your eyes glazed over while reading it. So instead, I elected to view the campaign through the colorful prism of two old friends whom readers may remember, Franz and Rayne.
Whew! That was a close one. But go see what Franz and Rayne have to say from their prisms of comedic veracity anyway. You’ll be glad you did.