We interrupt our “12 Essential Tracks of Christmas” series to bring you a special message… from Duck Dynasty.
In the wake of the Phil Robertson flap (as it were) over his blunt remarks on homosexuality to GQ Magazine, followed by A & E’s tantrum and suspension of the Duck Commander, followed by a national uproar, followed by a family statement to the effect that they are happy to take their show elsewhere (but before A & E’s recent, cowed decision to bring Robertson back)… I finally watched my first Duck Dynasty clips. Because I don’t have a television and never bothered to check out the show online, I hadn’t experienced the phenomenon of Duck Dynasty firsthand.
Dreaming of a Redneck Christmas
“You have the pig. Inside the pig is the turkey. Inside the turkey is the chicken. Inside the chicken is the duck.”
The Perfect Turtle
“It’s a cute turtle Phil, but it’s just not Mr. T.”
Uncle Si’s New Toy
“What do you not understand about I am da-maged?”
“I’m gonna kill one million. I’m gonna kill six legally, with a shotgun. But then I’m gonna kill all the rest of ’em with this icy stare.”
Boss Willie Blocks the Internet
“I wanna tweet!”
“What would you possibly tweet? That you’re balder today than you were yesterday?”
The Donut-Eating Contest
“Hey, I’m like a small nookular plant. That’s just my metabolism. Okay?”