Zach Hoag Is Uncategorized
Embattled Pastor Mark Driscoll has announced this morning that he is, in fact, stepping down from the pastorate of the church he founded, Mars Hill Church in Seattle, in light of formal charges of abusive leadership brought by former Mars Hill elders and other former colleagues.
Returning from vacation noticeably more tan than usual, Mark began his video announcement to the church with these words: “Howdy, Mars Hill. So yeah, this month has been totally ridic. I’m out, bro. DONE. Forget angry young prophet and older spiritual father – I’m going to Southern California to chill, and you, Acts 29, and the rest of the Internet can suck it.”
The intro garnered a few awkward claps and chuckles from the large congregation, like most of his jokes.
Driscoll went on to share that next to the Ultimate Fighting Championship, he really really loves to surf and just, like, live. He apologized for being so dogmatic over the years about hellfire and predestination and complementarian gender roles and admitted he really just feels a connection to the Divine and wants others to feel it too. “It’s the connection, man. Like when I’m in the ocean on my board. You can’t really put it into words. I mean, who really knows what we talk about when we talk about God, anyway.”
By the end of the video, the congregation seemed confused, if not a bit relieved. “Yeah, I mean, it’s ok,” said Susan Jensen, a mom of eight who has been teaching a class on submission to newly married Mars Hill wives. “I kind of feel like maybe I can tell jokes at parties now, even if my husband is in the room?” She trailed off interrogatively but seemed lightened.
Rumors are swirling around Mark’s friendship with several Hollywood producers and some kind of project in the entertainment world. Some even say he may be creating a show for the Oprah Winfrey Network.
—
(Yes, it’s satire.)
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In