Generation Snowflake

Generation Snowflake December 12, 2016

The Precious, Delicate Snowflake

The Intermedia tells us that the young generation, the millennial generation, is comprised of a horde of whining brats whose delicate dispositions and emotional immaturity have been laid bare by the USA’s (re)new(ed) white, male supremacy.  The solid, strong voices of Generation Knows Best decry the tendency it sees in millennials to panic, to shriek, to run screaming from opposition to “safe spaces” where they can find comfort and coddling and the affirmation of their identities.

This new generation of young’uns, declare the conservators of culture, is populated by snowflakes, each of them special, each of them destined to melt upon touching a solid surface. The older generation, the mightier generation, flings the term snowflake about with abandon, these days, hoping, hungrily, to insult some teen or tween with the insinuation that feelings signify weakness.

As a professor at a liberal arts college, I spend a considerable amount of time with Generation Snowflake, and I will tell all of you two things born of experience.  First: each of them is special, goddammit.  Second: y’all don’t know s—t about how snow works.

Take a look at this photo from Japan:

Snow in Nagaoka, Japan

There’s a town under there somewhere, but it has dis-ap-peared.  Why?  Because four hundred bazillion precious, special snowflakes fell on it, that’s why.  Four hundred bazillion precious, special snowflakes, each of them completely, utterly, entirely unique and each, alone, disposed to slip into melting at the least disturbance of their precious, delicate feelings fell on top of this Japanese town at the same time and buried the f—ing hell out of it.

Who remembers Boston’s 2014-15 winter?  One hundred and ten inches of precious, delicate, inclined-to-melt snowflakes made Boston a frozen nightmare.  Two feet of whiny, weak, whiffs of porcelain dropped onto the city in one day in January, 2015, and turned Boston—which was not unfamiliar with snow—into a ghost town.

That’s this millennial generation, Dimwits.  The blizzard of the millennium has not yet arrived, but it’s coming.  By some measures, Little Prince Pumpkin and all the stone age balderdash for which he stands took only 37 percent of the younger crowd’s votes.  Survey Monkey’s viral map shows voters aged 18-34 handing Little Prince Pumpkin the low-double-digits, Everyone-Knows-He’s-an-Asshole number of electoral college votes he deserves.

Snowflake Voting
Snowflake Voting

There’s some old, white men under there, somewhere.  You can see the tips of their angry, red noses just poking out, here and there.

Seems to me that belittling, scolding, and dumping derision on the country’s newest adults is only evidence of the anxious, gnawing fear that Generation Viagra is feeling at the hint of snow in the air.


Snowflake image from
Nagaoka image from
Survey Monkey image from

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