. . . nolite te bastardes carborundorum
I’m exhausted. Are you too? Life seems to be getting more difficult with each passing day, and I feel trapped in a zero sum game I never agreed to playing. By all appearances, authoritarianism is gaining a strong foothold in the world and there is clearly no denying its patriarchal foundation. Women have gotten too close to power, we’ve had too much freedom, too many opportunities that weaken our restraints. Our deference to men’s whims has waned, and those in power don’t like it.
Likewise, if you identify as part of any “othered” group—LGBTQ, immigrants, indigenous peoples displaced from their ancestral lands, or (particularly in America right now) you practice a faith belief outside of predominately White populated, male dominated, prosperity gospel Christianity, you are being pushed further down in the hierarchy of power.
Great change is being thrust upon us. I’ve seen it coming for some time now. I fear we’ve reached the point of no return, where standing in the way will only get you run down.
“We, as a planet and a society are experiencing the dying off of old ways. We are at a pivotal stage, an epochal moment in time. We are entering the nexus, or as I like to say, we are birthing the next us.”—At The Crossroads of Time, Willow Rose
One thing I know is that change cannot happen without something being forfeited. Some will sacrifice safety, perhaps even their life. Some will lose their freedom, facing imprisonment. Some will lose faith, or hope.
The Illusion of Control
I pulled a tarot card this morning for insight, and drew the Lovers. This is not strictly a card about romantic relationship; it also harkens to unity, harmony and partnership. It was disheartening to see it, to think that these higher human aspirations must be set aside. Is there no way to bridge the deep chasm of division cutting its wide swath across our globe?
The Lovers can also indicate a pivotal choice, often between mutually exclusive opposition. Are the increasing differences among us irreconcilable? Must there be a winner—and a loser? It’s possible, perhaps even probable. I feel like the child of divorce, hoping my parents will get back together, but knowing there will be no such reconciliation.
I pulled a second card for clarity. The muse doubled down, handing me the Chariot—a card that speaks to taking the reins, controlling the direction. I, personally, have no control over what’s happening in the larger world around me. Believing that I do, that I ever did is detrimental to my well being. It’s not hope for a better world that I must release, but the illusion I have any control over the outcome of what has been set in motion by forces more powerful than I.
As a woman, and as a witch, I desire to create a kinder, more forgiving world for all. But it’s time to accept that my shoulders were never going to be broad enough nor strong enough to carry the responsibility of healing the world’s ills. It’s time for a different approach.
Earlier this year, I wrote about self preservation and self care in these challenging times.
“Self care can no longer be only about our own physical, mental and spiritual health. We are entering the realm of community care, as self care and self preservation. The most important thing everybody can do for their own self care, is to form a trusted circle of people who have their back.”— Resistance and Resilience in Hard Times, Willow Rose
These are dark times, and I fear they will become darker at the hands of greedy men, intent on conquering rather than cultivating, oppressing rather than encouraging, persecuting rather than protecting.
As witches, especially if we are women or identify as women, everything we stand for will make us targets, if not directly for those in power, indirectly for those who are being emboldened in their misogyny and bigotry. I feel it’s time to go where all good resistance movements go—underground and undercover.
Returning to the Fundamentals
I’m laying low, watching the lay of the land, and returning to the foundations of my craft. I plan to wield whatever power I have judiciously, for the protection of myself, my loved ones and my communities. In this way I can effect small change—by showing kindness and compassion, by practicing inclusion, and by sowing the seeds of peace. I’m not even going to say that if enough of us do this, we will effect larger change. I’m not sure that’s possible right now. But we will survive, we will hold the space for change.
To Know
There’s something to be said for knowing your limitations. And I have to question, even if I did have the power to effect sweeping change, do I have the right solutions? Do I know what is the greater good? I do have a crystal ball, but it doesn’t show me the future. Instead, my fear is showing me dire pictures of dark solutions with collateral damage. One of the first things I teach new witches is to be careful what they witch for. What’s good for them, even what they believe is the greater good for all concerned, may not be good in the larger picture of time.
To Dare
In troubled times, the bravest thing to do may be resisting your own impulsivity. I believe now is not the time for reactionary gestures of defiance, but rather the quiet courage of holding space, of letting what has been set in motion unfold, of stepping aside to let consequences be realized. Yes, there will be suffering, there will be loss, new wisdom and deeper understanding will follow.
By allowing ourselves to endure the darkness, sit with our grief, our bitterness, frustration and fear, we stand to gain a deeper understanding of our strength. As always, in confronting the shadow, (if not our own but society’s) we can emerge wiser and more powerful.
To Will
Will is associated with the element of fire, it is our inner spirit, our passion and driving force. In the Handmaid’s Tale, Offred learns how to survive, how to get along in the world of her captors, but she never surrenders her spirit, nor her will. Scratched on the inside of the closet door frame in her room, she finds the words nolite te bastardes carborundorum. She’s later told the phrase loosely translates to, don’t let the bastards grind you down.
I’m through expending my energy playing a game of whack-a-mole, trying to put out all the flaming bags of excrement that are mere distractions from the true agenda. I’m through railing against what I have no power to stop or change. I’m holding my energy in reserve for only that which I might truly have sway over.
To Keep Silent
I’m not suggesting abandoning values or core beliefs, just giving up and letting authoritarianism go unchecked. To keep silent does not mean to acquiesce, or abandon deeply held truths, but to refrain from letting your words (and actions) cause harm, to others or to yourself. Nor will I rely on the belief that free speech will protect me. I believe the best course of action will be keeping my own counsel—saying little or nothing about opinions or intentions of opposition.
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning, since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we tried to fight it
— Billy Joel
The fire is raging. If we don’t act wisely, it will consume us. Reserve your power; let your might be unexpected when the time comes to wield it.
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