“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Grady laid her head on the tiled white bathroom floor. She couldn’t feel the hardness of the ground, or the coldness of the tiles, all she felt was her heart aching. No, not just aching, splintered and electrified. With each thought, each physical movement, and every emotion, Grady felt something shattering within, and what scared her was that she didn’t even care.
“Get off the floor, Grady,” her husband begged.
The sobs erupted again and her so-called waterproof mascara dripped black gobs on the recently bleached floor. “I’m fine right where I’m at,” she muttered through her tears.
“No, you aren’t fine on the floor. I’m not fine with you on the floor,” Jessie said, this time sounding more agitated than sympathetic. Sighing, he sat down next to his wife, his back resting against the wooden vanity, and gently pulled her to him.
“But…you…don’t…understand!” She wept and placed her head in his lap as he stroked her shoulder length brown hair.
“Tell me what I don’t understand, Grady?”
“You don’t understand how it feels to have lost that contract at work, the one that I worked on for two years. A company that I worked with and dedicated myself to for seven years, and then be told that I was no longer a good fit. You don’t understand how it feels when your mom gives you that disappointed look, even after thirty-something years and all I’ve ever wanted was her approval. You don’t understand how it feels to lose a baby that I carried and loved for 10 weeks, and will love forever, but will never be able to hold. You don’t understand how it feels to be a complete failure!”
“The job, Grady – there will be others. Too bad for them. Your mom – again, too bad for her that she doesn’t realize what a fabulous daughter she has. And the baby…I’m mourning too. Probably not quite like you. But none of this equates to failure. You are the strongest, most incredible person that I know and you’ve overcome every step of the way, and you will do the same this time.”
Jessie’s eyes began to mist. What Grady didn’t understand is that he felt like a failure for not being able to help her feel like a failure. “There’s a line in an old hymn that says, ‘Let there be peace in the world and let it begin with me’. I can’t give you peace, only you can give you peace, Grady, but I’m by your side through it all.”
2013 and 2014 have been difficult years for many, with many losses – jobs, friends, loves, pets, etc. It was a release of old energy that collected like odd and old pieces stuck in a junk drawer for years. This year the junk drawer was spilled out and decisions had to be made. The energy was sometimes suffocating as it brought up past issues and emotions, and even old illnesses – physical and mental. Our subconscious works as a recorder and stores all of it away into files. 2014 was the year that seemed to be caught in a loop of rewind and play, but much of what was played was painful, even for the good memories.
For those that follow astrology, you know that Scorpio was in Saturn for the past two years. Scorpio is a water sign, and a sign that is often very dramatic and emotional. Scorpio is also a sign that depicts the psychic and intuitive, where it’s highly unlikely for anyone to get away with anything as the gut instincts are turned all the way up. This often draws heightened emotions because when the facades come down and truths are revealed, there can be hurt feelings. This is a powerful sign, as you saw from your own personal lives. All of that changes on December 23rd when Saturn moves into Sagittarius and brings on an entirely different vibration. Sagittarius, a fire sign, focuses on your passions. And in order to do that, and to see them clearly, the junk drawer has to fall and you have to sort through to see what is really worth keeping.
I saw Grady soon after her miscarriage and I was excited that her guides showed me another baby on the way, and soon. Not a replacement, from the baby she lost, but it was nice to give good news. Although Grady felt like a failure at that moment in time, she realized that most everything she festered over couldn’t be controlled. I gave her some soul work to do in order to help heal.<
Surround yourself with love – Surround yourself with family, friends, pets, etc that you love.
It begins with you – Nobody controls you or your reactions. Happiness begins with you. Peace begins with you. Healing begins with you.
Last week I received the news that Grady and Jessie were expecting a healthy baby boy right around Christmas Day. His name will be Callum, an Irish name meaning calm and peace. She also decided to open her own consulting company where she can use all of her gifts, a dream she’s had since she was a little girl, but was afraid. And her mom – well, Grady now realizes that although it still hurts, she can only control her reaction. She said she visualizes a blue healing light emitting from her own heart to her mom every time she criticizes, hoping that one day her mom will realize that the healing begins with her too.
If you are going through a trying time, feeling sad, depressed or unsettled, know that you aren’t alone. Just because there are lights on a tree doesn’t mean that you have to be merry, bright and jolly. You are not broken. You are brave. You’ve been through darkness before and you’ve emerged. As Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, psychiatrist and pioneer in near-death studies, once said, “Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.”
Wishing you a holiday filled with healing and love.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In