Life: surviving finals

My schedule for the next three weeks will be insane, or at least close to that.

• I have three papers to write, approximately 60 pages in all (I’m already pondering taking an incomplete/extension on one, despite having sworn off doing so at the beginning of the semester),
• I have work (we’ve lost our administrative head, and now hiring an ‘assistant’ for me, and a new administrator soon),
• I have a conference (presenting my Kantian Analysis of Buddhist Ethics work for the American Academy of Religions conference at Gonzaga May 5th)
• I may have to move (my roommate is selling the house, no firm word on what kind of notice could be given)

In good news, my advisor pulled me aside Wednesday to say that the department wants to offer me funding for next year, granted that I’d plan to complete the MA here. I’m not 100% positive what it is exactly, but I only applied for the ‘teaching assistantship’ ($9000 plus a partial waiver of fees for the year), so I assume that’s what it is. I’ll know for sure tomorrow. If so it will mean giving up my wonderful work at the Center for Ethics, which is a bummer – but I can probably still TA a class on evolution with the director there in the fall.

The papers I’m writing are 1) Sartre (specific topic unknown – probably something with his ontology and personal identity, contrasted with the Kantian standpoint…); 2) Cosmology & Philosophy – David Bohm (He is a quantum physicist who’s work led him into philosophy, into Eastern thought, and to become a “guru of science” for the Dalai Lama); and 3) Ethics & Evolution – Julian Huxley (He was a popularizer of evolutionary theory in the 1950s, brother of Aldous Huxley, and an avid humanist – his short essay, Transhumanism, is worth a read).

sigh… Busy times are good in a way. I get a lot done with the daunting presence of imminent deadlines. I’m sure my blood pressure suffers a bit for it; but at my age (a tender 25) I suppose I can still push myself through a few more cycles of insanity before settling down.

It does get me wondering though about feelings of disconnectedness. I just went over to ashesandsnow.org for another viewing (with my mother controlling the mouse) and felt yet again a wave of calm, reminding me perhaps of just how stressed out I am these days. How much psychic damage am I doing to myself with these high-stress sessions each semester? Can a life of alternating stress/productivity and relaxation/meditation really be fulfilling? Is this the life I am painting for myself?

My meditation is off; that’s probably a large part of this stress. I recall last year when my meditation was fully ‘on’, the calm permeated my work, studies, and relationships… So I need to meditate more. Find the time. Relax. Focus. Enjoy every minute. And smile.