Life: Depression, Meditation, Wilderness

My good friend Raven alerted me to a recent Newsweek article on depression today. The article deals specifically with men, who until now were thought to be at much less risk of depression because doctors had concluded that “that having a uterus was the main risk factor for mental illness.” It turns out that men just hide depression more (big surprise) and tend to act out depression not in as much by crying or lying around the house all day (though these do happen) as much as growing violent and agitated with the world. Men are also more likely to hide it with alcoholism, workaholism, and so on.

I’ve personally been dealing with depression for fifteen years, since the seventh grade. I don’t remember exactly how I felt then, but I was being bullied by one classmate and I remember staying home a lot faking illnesses and had even constructed an intricate plan to kill myself and make it look like an accident. Meanwhile, I had a decent group of friends, many of the kids I had gone to grade school with, I was involved in sports and generally excelling academically. From the outside I seemed like any other kid.

It wasn’t until my last year of high school that I began seeing a therapist and got on the SSRI Paxil. That seemed to keep me above water for several years, with some good times (usually in the sunny Montana summers) and many lows. But either way I felt dependent on the drugs; in control enough to medicate my way out of deep water, but powerless to effect real change.

It wasn’t until I moved to Bristol, England that I finally ended my dependence on antidepressants. I credit it in large part to the massive lifestyle change I had to make there. I simply slowed down to a pace that was right for me; something I’ve had a hard time maintaining back in Montana. Along with slowing down, I meditated a great deal more and had more success in quickly recognizing my early warning signs of depression and combating them before they began to spiral down. I was able to treat depression at its onset with mindfulness rather than treating it only much later with drugs.

Since then I’ve remained free of medication, though I would certainly go back on them if I were ever unable to treat myself through meditation, hikes, and exercise. This all loops back nicely with my current thesis work, which will examine links between these practices (along with travel in general) and the good life that encompasses both ‘happiness’ and a deep respect for the natural world. The fact is that the world shapes our brain and our brain shapes our mind and moods. There is no detached Cartesian ‘cogito’ from which we look out upon the world. We are our activity; we are the world around us, from the computer in front of us to the birds in the trees – all of these ‘things’ become mental as they are shaped by our brain, and they in turn shape the way the brain will enact the next moment of our reality.

For over 2000 years our culture has sought to escape the difficulties of life in the world by fleeing it with the myth of dualism, from Plato to St. Paul, Aristotle to St. Augustine, and ever so clearly in Descartes. The myth of some ‘perfect’ other realm just may be the greatest hoax, and the most destructive, played on humankind. Certainly there are counter-movements here and there, and even within the writings of prominent dualists there are hints of dissonance.

But, the cultural train speeds forward… Meditation, hikes and the like can only do so much. But where do we start? Right here.

Resources:

Go Green to beat the blues: eco-therapy helps most with mild depression (better results than drugs)

Study shows St. Johns Wart is more effective than Paxil with mild depression

[understanding] Misery is the secret to happiness