Gratitude Journal

It is a fitting time, I think, to explore Gratitude. Yet in an ideal sense, gratitude would suffuse our every thought, word and action. Just thinking about this brings a sense of calm, stillness, and openness. The field of awareness expands and we hold gently all things.

As I mentioned a while back, I’m reading the latest book out by Anthony De Mello, about the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. And I should be finalizing my conference paper for publication (hehe – laziness).

I’ve done the Buddhist Metta-bhavana (cultivation of loving-kindness or friendliness) for years now, and quite intensely for over a year now. And I’ve done a tiny weekend retreat on the Spiritual Exercises, but I’m feeling a pull to do more there, to dive more deeply into this practice of finding God “in all things.”

Some Buddhists out there may find this anathema; and I too would have at points in my life. But what I am finding now are the parallels of thought and action behind the words that cause disagreement. For example, repentance and renunciation. As a Buddhist in America my face turns a bit sour at the very word ‘repentance.’ I can almost see the wild-eyed preacher, bible in one hand, cross in the other, yelling it out: Repent!

Likewise with ‘renunciation’ for Catholics. To the Catholic, this looks like a selfish turning-away from the world. But here is what De Mello says about repentance:

Repentance brings an intense desire for God, deep gratitude, and a growth in self-awareness that increases our freedom to love.

He goes on to describe the process as not bringing sadness or self-loathing, but great joy. Isn’t Buddhist renunciation the same? It is a renunciation of a certain way of being in the world, a selfish, ego-centered way. Breaking free of this ego brings awareness and my good friend, deep gratitude.

And for both, this is a difficult process. Realizing the futility of mundane existence, letting go of it, or perhaps feeling torn from it. Realizing the hours, days, months, years spent chasing this form of happiness, like a hamster on a wheel. As Anthony says,

Tears are a precious grace of that first week. This can be noticed in other schools of mysticism also. The Zen masters give great importance to tears; the false ego is washed away through them.

And so for every moment of false-ego-washing-away, and so much more, I am grateful.