Gratitude Journal

I am long overdue for a post specifically on Gratitude. It is gratitude that connects our heart with the world around us. Anxiety, fear, anger, greed, and so on all come from a lack of or weakness in this connection.

I am working on a conference paper on the Buddhist practice of Metta Bhavana, the Cultivation of Loving Kindness. One of the stanzas there is:

Mātā yathā niyaṃ putthaṃ
Āyusā ekaputtam anurakkha,
ewam pi sabbabhūtesu
mānasam bhāvaye aparimāṇaṃ.

Which is well translated as:

Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;

Practically all of us have had difficulties with our mothers at some point. But the underlying fact of the enormous hardship she went through to make US a possibility is worth calling to mind. How much would you have to do for another person to equal the time and care and suffering invested in you by your mother?

The following came to me the other day from Bhikkhu Samahita (you can sign up for his daily dhamma and read past emails here).

Appropriate Appreciation is Gratitude!

One should be grateful towards one’s Parents! Why so?
They have worked hard and very long raising one into being!

One should be grateful towards one’s Teachers! Why so?
They do much to make one learn and understand the good…

One should be grateful towards one’s Friends! Why so?
They have shown one an open kindness and much goodwill!

One should be grateful towards one’s Spouse! Why so?
They have loyally accompanied one along a long way…

Your job is to reflect on each of these (or add more categories) and how each has contributed to and altered the flow of your life. Remember, there is no YOU separate from these and other parts of the world out there. All of them are you, and you are nothing more.

As for me, here goes:

1. Parents. I’ve written about them many times, but it’s always worth recalling how great my parents have been to me. My father set aside many of his own dreams, artistic ambitions, and a great deal of fun that he could have had in order to raise his family. He worked six days a week for most of his life, often even working a seventh, to support us when times were tough. He has been a fountain of “take life a day at a time,” “don’t put up with other people’s BS any more than you have to,” “people are basically good,” – and much more – wisdom.

   My mother, too, has invested herself greatly in her family. Her own family was a bit screwed up, so early on she made the conscious decision to distance herself from them and their drama. She worked her way through a Masters in Social Work, dedicated to healing the wounds in children who had it even worse off than herself. She has taught me to trust in love and seek the heart of each person I meet, beyond whatever wounds may lie at the surface.

2. Teachers… Too many to name. Mrs. Briggs, Mrs. Sharpe, Mr. Hanson, Mrs. Shultz in grade school. Mrs. Hauke, Mrs. Baumgarten and my crazy Spanish teacher whose name escapes me now in Middle School (I do recall that my chosen Spanish name then was Domingo, Sunday, Day of the Lord). Way too many to name in High School, but Mr. Goodman, my math and computer programming teacher stands out as one of the best. Mrs. Slattery, who taught accounting and encouraged me down that ill-begotten path, was also a joy to learn from.

   In college, where I’ve now spent about half of my life, there are again too many to name. Certainly all of my Buddhism teachers: Dr. Sponberg, Bodhipaksa (UM), Profs. Williams, Langer, Gethin, and Peacock (U Bristol), and Dr. Keown at London. Just looking at that list, I realize that I should know a lot more than I do at present; a good reminder to re-double my academic efforts. Philosophical teachers: Drs. Elliott, Townsend, Borgmann, Appelbaum, McGlynn, Slicer, Sherman, Preston, (all UM) and now Caygill (U London).

   ‘Spiritual’ or Life teachers have also been countless. Ken Robinson in Bristol and Larry McKay here in Missoula stand out there. Matthew Flickstein is the closest I’ve come to a direct Buddhist teacher.

3. Friends! Aye de mi… “Friendship is the Greatest,” Bhikkhu Samahita always says. I’m kind of re-entering a quiet phase of life, which is difficult with the many exciting activities and wonderful people around me. But it’s a necessary step. My friendships thus turn from those of activities to those of contemplation, growth and practice (Aristotle’s discussion of friendship plays a role here as much as the Buddha’s). Here are some such words, regarding “The Wise” from the Dhammapada.
   

   Few are the people
   who reach the Far Shore.
   These others
   simply scurry
   along this shore.

   But those who practice Dhamma
   in line with the well-taught Dhamma,
   will cross over the realm of Death
   so hard to transcend.

   Forsaking dark practices,
   the wise person
   should develop the bright,
   having gone from home
   to no-home
   in seclusion, so hard to enjoy.

   There he should wish for delight,
   discarding sensuality —
   he who has nothing.
   He should cleanse himself — wise —
   of what defiles the mind.

   Whose minds are well-developed
   in the factors of self-awakening,
   who delight in non-clinging,
   relinquishing grasping —
   resplendent,
   their effluents ended:
   they, in the world,
   are Unbound.

4. Finally, our Spouse. Being single, I could claim exemption from this, but for those “almosts” and “could have beens” in my spousal category, I am deeply grateful. To Rachel, for teaching me to aim high in life and to serve others. To Toni for always making me laugh and her philosophy of “make haste, slowly” (Latin: festina lente). To Ana for her confidence, love of life, smile and spontaneity. To Kelly for showing me to dream the unimaginable and work to make it real. To Julie for grounding me in the countless little pleasures of the world and the power of optimism.

   The quest goes on for a loyal accompaniment, and one for whom to accompany loyally. And with all quests, as Julie’s blog name aptly describes, the joy is [and must be] in the journey.