On Death, Rage, and the Power of Words

On Death, Rage, and the Power of Words March 25, 2021

Recently we’ve had a lot of death around my family. We are not strangers to it, we’ve already lost many people close to us, both in the family and around us, but with so much of it happening at the same time, with just a few days between one and the other, has left us all really affected. Many in my family have a lot of rage, hate, they are angry at so many things, their words can add more hurt to the whole situation.

“Recently we’ve had a lot of death around my family. We are not strangers to it, but with so much of it happening at the same time has left us all really affected”. Image by jplenio from Pixabay. Cropped.

Just Don’t Curse his Name

One of my cousins lost his dog due to Lyme disease, a physician who was an uncle and mentor to many of us died the next week during surgery, then a dear friend to all of us was shot in the head, another friend died in the hospital, and I have had a difficult time on my own, a private situation that has upset me and those around me. Recently, the police got a confession of the guy who supposedly killed our friend, who was already a big brother to many of my cousins, and I saw many sharing his photo on social media while cursing his name. Something felt wrong, terribly wrong.

My family is not perfect, far from it, but I never saw them in so much pain and anger. They are mourning for sure, death affects us all in a different way, but their pain was becoming toxic. A cousin and I worried about the situation, let’s say, and after I breathed and meditated, asked for guidance, asked for the spirit of that friend or anyone who could help us understand to come, I got a clear message: “Just don’t curse him/his name“.

It sounded like something I would say, so I prayed and called for my Gods, my guides, my masters, ancestors, angels, and all the beings that could help me understand. The message was just the same. “Just don’t curse him/his name“. I’ve been sharing with my family, telling them that it doesn’t help anyone to spread so much hate and rage, that we should focus our thoughts on our friend’s family, his mother and sister who had to be sedated, his brother and father who are devastated, and his soul so he can be at peace.

“I asked her ‘Do you think your grandfathers and him (our friend) would like to see you so full of hate and anger?’ And that helped. ‘Thank you for making me see reason'”. Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay. Cropped.

A Big Vulture

Talking with one of my cousins, who is a little sister for me, she told me she knew it didn’t help to curse and insult, but that she was so angry she couldn’t just breathe and let it go she couldn’t accept his death just like that. I asked her “Do you think your grandfathers and him (our friend) would like to see you so full of hate and anger?” And told her that life would take charge of everything, part of the message I got (not that she needed to knew that detail, though), and that helped. “Thank you for making me see reason”.

I am the first one to ask for justice and retribution when something unfair happens, I don’t wait for the Gods to do all the job for me. I ask for their help, for their guidance, and I always do a reading of some kind before I act, but this time I decided to take a step back. There was just too much in my head, around me, too much happening outside and inside.

I’ve been doubting about myself, my own power, my ability to affect our surroundings for a while, maybe a bit more than a month. I’ve felt insignificant, helpless, useless, hopeless, I expected the worst, and even though I still managed to make a talisman for me, my brother, and cousin, so our ancestors would protect us and guide us at all times. These news, all this death surrounding us like a big vulture, devastated me and I started losing faith, but last night I had the proof I needed.

“I felt so alone I failed to understand that although I have my limits I am also not the only one doing this. I have quite a few hands behind me, and last night I got the reminder I needed.”. Image by Carolyn Booth from Pixabay. Cropped.

Death Affected Us, but Our Dead are With Us.

When my brother came home, he told us he saw someone robbing a guy in the middle of the night, pointing a gun to his head, right in front of my brother. He walked backward, slowly, oh so slowly, and when he turned around a corner, he ran like death itself was behind him. And I’m sure it was. I was speechless when I heard this. What affected me more was when he said “they’re not leaving us in peace”. I started to ask myself “why?” I wonder where’s the mercy, why we needed to have to go through all this. Then I remembered the talisman.

My brother is 99% an Atheist, he tells me I’m mad, that he doesn’t understand these spiritual, religious things, but he accepted the talisman I made for him without saying a word when I gave it to him. I told him to keep it with him at all times, 24/7, and he said he would. When I remembered this as I heard what almost happened to him, I remembered we are never alone. I started to thank the ancestors, guides, and every single spirit that protected my brother and went to sleep feeling a bit uncertain, but also a bit calmer than all these previous days.

I’m listening to some of my favorite songs as I write this, music I haven’t listen to for a while and that helped me when I was depressed and felt powerless, a time when I could only think about death and giving up. I’m taking back the pieces that fell down, reclaiming my confidence, telling myself that I could, can, and will get through this. I’m not the most experienced, the wisest of the cousins, sometimes I act like a child as well, but I’ve always been the one who listens to them and tells them everything will be okay.

I am the one that protects my family, I always make a shield around us, always ask the Gods to be with us and guide us, and I let the situation take the best of me. While I know it is not my responsibility, it is something I’ve done for a while no matter nobody else knows about it, but I’m praying and making my devotions again. I felt so alone I failed to understand that although I have my limits I am also not the only one doing this. I have quite a few hands behind me, and last night I got the reminder I needed. Death affected us, but our dead are with us. Instead of cursing his name, I’d rather focus on those left behind and help in their healing. My thoughts and words do a better work focused on that.

About Bader Saab
I’m an Arabic witch and journalist, also with a master’s degree in digital research. I have worked as a book reviewer and written about pre-Islamic folklore. You can connect with me by Private Message on Instagram: @saab.bader. You can read more about the author here.

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