3 Questions to Consider When You’re Spouse has been UNFAITHFUL

1. Is he/she being completely HONEST with you about EVERYTHING?

I don’t believe that the “guilty” spouse needs to tell his/her spouse ALL of the details of the relationship, but I do think he/she needs to be willing to answer ANY and ALL questions that the spouse may have.  Trust has been broken.  The process to regain trust is a slow one, and this can only happen with full transparency.  With that said, I want to remind the “innocent” spouse to be cautious when asking for specifics.   It is hard for us to get things out of our mind once they are in there.  You don’t want to keep replaying images of your spouse cheating on you with someone else over and over in your mind.  This will only hinder your healing.  It’s okay to want certain details to better understand what lead to the affair, but knowing the details isn’t going to change the fact that it happened.  Important questions to ask include: Have you completely ended the affair?  Have you cut off all contact with this person?  Have you gotten rid of any devices or apps (i.e. secret cell phones, snapchat, etc.) that links you to this person?  Are you willing to get rid of passwords, change jobs, move, or do whatever it takes to not be around the person with whom you committed adultery?  If you or your spouse answers “no” to any of these questions, then you are not ready to move forward together.  If you or your spouse willingly and honestly say “yes” to all of these questions, then you can move on to the next consideration.