To the Friend Who Rolled Her Eyes at Me When I Said that I Wanted to “Ask My Husband FIRST” Before Making Plans

Dear Friend,

Remember when you asked if we could get together for a girls night out?  I naturally replied as I always do to these invitations, “I’d love to!  Let me ask Dave first, and I will let you know…”   You may not remember this, but you rolled her eyes and laughed under your breath and replied, “Really?  You need your husband’s permission?  Gah.  My husband and I never ask for permission.  I just do my thing.  And, he does his thing.”  Well, I haven’t been able to shake that moment because I honestly couldn’t understand why you thought it was weird in the first place.  I never thought it was even an issue.  So, Friend,  I wanted to tell you why…

There are times I honestly don’t want to ask Dave’s permission, but I do it anyway because HE IS MY HUSBAND.  I love him.  We are one.  Our individual lives are interdependent.  Therefore, every personal decision we make automatically brings joint consequences.

We don’t always seek permission about minor things like what to wear or what to eat, but we have always consulted each other on most everything else.  And, I like it.  It works for us.

In spite of my own feelings about the matter, your response got me thinking.

Am I the NORM or is asking your spouse’s permission before making scheduling decisions or major lifestyle changes a RARE thing?

Honestly, I don’t know.  But, I do know that my husband, Dave, and I have a better marriage because of it, and here’s why: