The Dangers Of A DIY Marriage

My friend will tell you that he isn’t one to ask for help, but when he was struggling with building his deck, he admitted he was stuck and picked up the phone. A few hours and a couple extra hands later the board was in place.
But we tell ourselves that marriage is different. If I were to admit that I needed help in my marriage, I’d be weak. People would think less of me. I’d be a failure and make myself and my wife look bad. Everybody else has it together, why can’t we?

I didn’t need anybody. I thought that we could fix our marriage if we only tried harder. We could do it. We could fix us.

If you’ve read our story, you know that I was very wrong. When Jess had given it everything she had, and she had nothing left to give, she left and I collapsed. The board pinned me to the ground. There was no more denying it. I was stuck and needed help.

The day she left, my first step was to call the pastor who had married us. It was the day before Thanksgiving, and he was gracious enough to take time away from his family to talk to me. I broke down like I had never broken before. I remember sitting on his couch trying not to cry and failing miserably. I poured my heart out as the tears flowed, telling him every last detail. When I was done, he encouraged me. He prayed with me. He gave me the biggest hug. And he connected me to the counselor who helped us save our marriage. He lifted the board just enough that I could breathe and rest a bit. In that moment, I wasn’t doing it on my own. I had someone helping me, cheering me on, and wanting me to succeed. I hadn’t just let him in, but I also let God back in. There was still a big mess to clean up, with a seemingly impossible mountain to climb ahead, but for the first time, I didn’t feel alone in the journey.

We are not designed to go through life alone. Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us that “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

In most situations in a Christ-centered marriage, we can consider our spouse to be our second strand and Christ to be the very strong third strand that holds us together. But sometimes the obstacles we have to conquer aren’t ones our spouses can help us with.