Guys wonder: do compliments really matter? Three things your wife is secretly thinking:

1. “Am I beautiful?”  You may think your wife is beautiful, adorable, sexy, and you love to look at her.  And yet…. she probably sees all her flaws instead.  She has deep doubts about whether she is beautiful at all.  Little girls will spin in a pretty dress, asking “Daddy, am I pretty?”  And guys, your confident, grown-up wife is still that little girl inside. 

2. “Am I beautiful… to him?”  Today, your confident, grown-up wife is still looking to the most important man in her life for a signal of whether she’s beautiful.   Only now that man is you.  Our For Men Only research discovered that 77% of women age 45 and younger have a deep need to know that their man finds them beautiful.  It says something to her about whether she is special, lovely and loved.  Your words of affirmation, of how adorable you find her, fill a very important need.

3. “After 20 years of marriage and two kids, do I still rock your world?”  When she comes downstairs in an outfit and asks “How do I look?” she’s not usually asking a technical question.  So the answer she’s looking for is not, “Fine.”  She’s asking: In a world filled with Cosmo models and sultry women just a click away, do you still find me attractive? She’s asking, When I can no longer fit into my honeymoon bikini, can I still turn your head?  So the next time you see her coming down the stairs all decked out, don’t wait for her to ask.  Do a double take, give her a big smile, and say “Honey, you look stunning.” That will make the little girl inside very, very happy.

Do you want Shaunti to share life-changing truths at your church or event? Inquire about Shaunti speaking, here.

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage, and her newest book, Through A Man’s Eyes. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.