It’s a big week. One of my closest friends and I stood next to each other during worship at church this Sunday, with tears rolling down our cheeks.  Our kids were born three weeks apart… and this is the week we are moving them to college. I was fine until I realized move-in was less than one week away. Suddenly, I started realizing what that would actually mean. It wasn’t just that we wouldn’t see her running downstairs in her… Read more

Now that the new school year is upon us, I’m reminded of a woman who wrote in to ask for advice on dealing with her oldest son who was having a tough first year of high school. It involved him leaving old friends behind in middle school, trying to make new ones, figuring out what teams to try out for and navigating teachers and classes that were challenging and sometimes unfair. Thankfully, though, he was still talking to his parents… Read more

According to Deborah, her husband Marcus has an anger problem, and she doesn’t know how to handle it. They’ve always had “intense discussions,” but lately he’s been getting furious and walking away. As she tells it, they recently got into a fight on their way out of a restaurant, just because she told him that he shouldn’t have eaten so much, and he definitely shouldn’t have had dessert. He actually walked away and left her standing at the door—if she… Read more

We have all heard the funny saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. When it comes to processing strong emotions, this could be close to the truth! And understanding those differences will give you much better communication – especially when you need it most! Wives, when you are in a passionate situation that causes a display of emotions – let’s say you are really upset about a problem at your kids’ school and you disagree how to solve… Read more

Sitting on the couch watching TV while her husband Jared gets a snack from the kitchen, Carla sees his phone sitting on the coffee table and wonders if she has enough time to take a quick peek at it before he gets back. It’s not suspicion or paranoia, she tells herself—it’s just curiosity. Jared’s been texting up a storm since dinner. She doesn’t want to come out and ask him, but she’s dying to know: who has he been texting… Read more

For a moment, I’d like you to picture a mortifying scenario that may or may not have actually happened recently. Imagine that you’re an author and public speaker. Imagine that, hypothetically, you’ve spent fifteen years uncovering ‘aha moments’ about relationships – and that your audiences are usually quite engaged and interested as a result. You love the fact that your listeners leave wanting more!   Now imagine that you have a brand-new research topic, and you’re invited to share it… Read more

After finding herself on the receiving end of her husband’s hurtful behavior one too many times, Andrea questioned me about a principle I shared in my book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions. As she saw it, all that principle does is give your spouse license to hurt you again and again without consequences. “Who cares what their intentions are,” she said, “if the result is pain?” Andrea’s husband says… Read more

Back in graduate school, I clashed repeatedly with one of my classmates, a guy with very strong opinions and a personality to match.  Not being a wilting lily myself, it was easy for me to go to Mach 2 when he would say (in front of the whole class), in a condescending tone, “Shaunti, if you had ever worked in the area we’re talking about, you would know that your approach is how amateurs think.” I would jump to defend… Read more

One of the key relationship principles I shared in my book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally. Since the book came out, we’ve heard from a number of people who expressed uncertainty about the balance between being “all in” and having boundaries with our spouse as described in the book Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. Do you wonder if boundaries can (or should) be a healthy part of a happy… Read more

In my research with thousands of men for For Women Only, I discovered that the things that light your man up—and the things that hurt him—are quite different from those that would do the same for women. And while we know men are indeed visual and many times “external” in their thinking, there are actually much deeper areas of a man than we might realize. This means that if we want to improve our relationships with the man we love,… Read more

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