imple Superpowers Series, Part 4: Researchers have identified simple superpowers that help us flourish in our lives and relationships. In parts 1 and 2 we looked at gratitude and curiosity and last week we focused on why forgiveness is a superpower. This time, we get practical and cover why we resist forgiving others, and how to actually forgive. Read more
n this life we are 100% sure to be hurt by others. And without forgiveness, we are also 100% sure to be in a regular state of bitterness and anger. Research finds this is extremely damaging. In fact, some researchers are pushing for regular bitterness to be labeled an official medical disorder. Forgiveness is the only action that can set us free and allow us to live a thriving life instead. Read more
In other words: Because you saw something from under the surface that was visible for a moment, you were instantly curious. That exact same sense of curiosity is essential for creating and growing great relationships. The problem is, we often lose that curiosity about the under-the-surface things in our spouse (or our kids, or friends …). If we can recapture it, we have seen in the data that it leads to deepened trust, safety, and intimacy. Here are three steps to doing so. Read more
If we want to make changes in our lives and relationships in the new year, where should we put our attention? What “little things” will make the biggest difference? Researchers have identified actions that have an outsized – almost miraculous – impact for human flourishing. We call these the simple superpowers and examine three in this series. Today’s Part 1 focuses on attitude. For a few days not long ago, I kept an eye on the social media presence of... Read more
Our “best-of” blogs for 2023 included a focus on marriage, relationships, and parenting – especially on dads. We looked at what builds relationships (e.g. kindness, listening, and gratitude) and what threatens relationships (e.g. defensiveness, sarcasm, and suspicion). Read more
If we keep separate accounts we simply don’t feel as accountable to our partner. We are more likely to buy something we want, when we want it. (It doesn’t really matter if I buy the more expensive Christmas present, right?) By contrast, joining all accounts means we have to discuss and negotiate spending with one another ─ which helps us clarify wants versus needs, when to buy discretionary things, and holds us accountable. Read more
In my series for Empty Nest parents this fall (see part 1, part 2 and part 3), we explored how to respect adult kids’ boundaries and switch our mindset from counselor to coach. But the essential next-step question is: what do they most want us to know? Read more
At its best, sarcasm and joking around can create levity in hard situations. We all need to relieve the pressure valve on life sometimes! If everyone in the room knows that we have complete, unconditional respect and care for the person we are being sarcastic with, then it is just funny. But what if anyone in the room has doubts about that? We discovered that people are often laughing on the outside … and wondering on the inside if you really mean the sarcastic dig and if you really are that cynical, or mean, or “superior.” Read more
Even though most of us want to think we’re glass-half-full types, we all grumble and complain more than we know. As one of the seven patterns of negativity and unkindness found in the research for my book The Kindness Challenge, grumbling and complaining are close cousins of the relationship-killer of criticism. The good news is, grumbling has an antidote! And Thanksgiving week seems like a good time to explore it. Read more
Suspicion. We can descend into that spiral with a spouse, friend, or colleague without ever recognizing it. As one of the seven patterns of negativity and unkindness identified in the research for my book The Kindness Challenge, we need to confront four truths about suspicion so it doesn’t derail our relationships. Read more
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