Should I read my wife’s texts?

Girl Texting

Dear Shaunti,

My wife is the best person I know; she’s funny, warm, affectionate, and a hard worker. She’s also a great homemaker for me and our kids. We could have a fantastic marriage. The problem is me. I have no reason to suspect her of anything at all. In fact, I’m sure she’s never even considered cheating on me, but I’m extremely curious about who she e-mails and texts. If we’re together and her phone chimes, it’s almost impossible for me not to ask who it is, even though it has started to really bother her. Since I have no suspicions, why do I act this way? More importantly, what can I do to stop this behavior before it becomes a problem? [Read more...]

Don’t Let “Facebook Fantasies” Ruin Your View Of Your Spouse

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Dear Shaunti,

My husband and I have started arguing a lot about how much I look at Facebook, even though I only check it a couple of times a day. I think what my husband is really upset about is that I see what my friends’ husbands do for them — stuff he never does for me! They get the flowers, spa treatments, romantic dinners, and surprise getaways. Now, we are on a tight budget, and I know that, so he couldn’t shower me with luxurious treats even if he wanted to. The problem is: he doesn’t seem to want to! Should I have to give up Facebook just because I’m now getting a reality check on how humdrum our marriage is? Why shouldn’t I expect more from my husband? [Read more...]

How Do I Cope With My Super-Sensitive Husband?

Gossip

Dear Shaunti:

My husband is great at many things, but sometimes he struggles with getting a new task accomplished. Like, he’s great at carpentry, but it might take him two or three days to figure out how to create a new type of bookcase I want for the kids’ bedroom. But when I offer an opinion or suggest a solution, he goes ballistic. Why is he so sensitive? I’m just trying to help and he acts like I’m trying to stick a pin in his eye. Am I supposed to just shut up and quit offering my input when I think there’s a better way to do something? What happened to being equal partners? [Read more...]

Should I Pray For God to Make Me More … Um … Amorous?

Depressed Woman With Man In Background On Bed

Dear Shaunti,

Since sex is so important to my husband, and since you say it’s really about a man feeling desired by his wife, what can I do to get engaged and interested instead of just “accommodating” him? I know that just “going along with it” would be pretty depressing for him. But to be honest, I don’t feel that same type of desire for him, that he apparently feels for me. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy it when we’re together. I just don’t have this overwhelming need to “go at it” the same way he does. Should I just pray for God to give me that desire? Or what? [Read more...]

How Often Do Men Need to Have Sex?

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Dear Shaunti,

You’re the researcher, so please tell me the real answer: How often do guys need to have sex? I just don’t think about sex much; I guess it isn’t a need for me. But my husband says he thinks about it all the time, and he gets crabby that I’m often too tired. Even though I can go weeks or months and not miss it, since he can’t, I try to do the right thing. But oddly, even though he says he’s “deprived”, when I tell him “okay” that just makes him mad. He says he wants me to want it like he does. I feel like I can’t win. But if I knew how often a man needs sex I could plan on that, and hopefully that would help. [Read more...]

When State Says Pot is OK, How Do I Convince My Child It Isn’t?

Teenagers smoking marijuana joint

Dear Shaunti,

We live in Colorado, where pot is now visible on every corner. For my teenagers, seeing someone smoking pot is as now as commonplace as seeing someone smoking cigarettes; it’s viewed as a harmless pastime. But it isn’t harmless, and I don’t want my kids to be enticed by drugs. My husband and I have even considered moving to another state. How am I supposed to keep my kids from becoming pot-heads when they are surrounded by them? [Read more...]

2 is better than 1: Facing Conflict Together

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Dear Shaunti, I work a lot of hours, and when I’m at home, I don’t want conflict.   Problem is, we’ve had a lot of conflict recently – we’re both stressed by some extra medical bills and headaches with our kids – and it seems a whole lot better to me to try to avoid it. [Read More...]


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