Actions Don’t Always Speak Louder than Words: How Should You Affirm Your Wife?


Dear Shaunti, I’m in hot water.  My wife is the most beautiful, amazing woman I know. (I’m sure she’d tell you otherwise, but it’s true.)  But I just don’t talk a lot, and it is hard for me to remember to say things like “You look pretty” out loud.  Last week, she had an epic [Read More...]

Why is it that MEN always seem to be the ones who look at porn and cheat?

Man is flirting with another woman over mobile phone to go on da

Why is it always men who look at porn, hide things, and cheat?  I’m a single woman, and I can’t help but notice that in the news last week, the one thing Josh Duggar and most of the Ashley Madison cheaters have in common is that they are all men.   Supposedly, even the few women on the hacked Ashley Madison site were fake profiles, just to reel in all those men out there who want to cheat.  It is crazy.  It makes me think women are just inherently more trustworthy.  Part of me still wants to meet someone, but how can I ever trust any guy again? [Read more...]

I’m Unhealthy and My Wife is Unhappy


Dear Shaunti,

Things haven’t been great between me and my wife the past few months. I’m not happy at work, we’re behind on our bills, and I’ve been pretty down. I’ve gained thirty pounds in the last year from eating a lot of junk and watching a lot of TV, which is not good because I’m a diabetic. I’ve wound up in the emergency room a couple times because of high blood sugar. My wife says she’s fed up and if I don’t start taking my health seriously and start looking for a job that makes me “less miserable” (her words, not mine), she is going to move in with her parents. I don’t know how I’d make it without her – she’s truly my better half and best friend. I just feel so paralyzed. What do I do? [Read more...]

Lackluster Sex Life? Be a Flirt!

Enjoying time together. Beautiful young loving couple lying in bed together and looking at each other with smile

Dear Shaunti,

My husband and I were both pretty sexually inexperienced when we first got married, so everything about our sex life was new, mysterious and exciting. But now we have two teenagers and we both work full-time. When we find the time for physical intimacy, it feels very forced. Like we’re just going through the motions. And that old spark isn’t there outside the bedroom either. A friend suggested that we watch porn movies to get us back to the old excitement, but I’m really not comfortable with it – is that something we should consider? I just want us to be excited about our physical relationship again. It sounds like a cliché to ask what we can do to spice things up again, but… what can we do to spice things up again? [Read more...]

Does being “all-in” mean not having boundaries?

Couple holding hands

Dear Shaunti, I just finished your book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, and learned a lot.  But I also noticed that one of your research findings is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally.  Yet I’m also reading Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. It feels like a tension there between his [Read More...]

But women are visual too – right?


Dear Shaunti, I am irritated by all these generalizations that women should watch how they dress “because men are visual.”  Well women are visual, too.  There’s a hot guy at my office who works out by running the complex in gym shorts and no shirt during lunchtime, and I sure want to stand and watch.  [Read More...]

My Lady Is A Loose Cannon


Dear Shaunti, I used to think I was crazy, but these days I feel like I’m the stable one in our house.  I recently read a news report where this guy called 911 because his wife refused to speak to him. It’s ridiculous, but I can relate. Just a couple days ago, we were out [Read More...]