Today’s blog is for the guys, and trust me you’ll thank me for years to come. I’m going to help you decode your wife’s most baffling behavior.
Have you ever wondered why your wife:
- Asks “Do you love me?” even though you just told her this morning?
- Takes your need for space as a signal that you’re trying to get away from her?
- Wants to talk about your relationship … mostly at the times you least want to?
Here’s what running underneath. Our nationally representative research for For Men Only revealed that your wife may have a deep, underlying insecurity about whether you really love her. Even the most confident and competent woman may secretly (and subconsciously) wonder if she’s even lovable in the first place.
Obviously, women have self-agency and are responsible for their own feelings. But, guys, it’s important for you to know the worries and desires running under the surface—because they may be very different from the needs you have been trying to meet.
Most men have heard “women want to feel secure,” and I am guessing you are eager to provide security for the woman you love. But, to you, that means providing a steady income, a roof over your heads, and maybe something set aside for retirement. All that is great, but it’s not the main security most women seek. There are some exceptions, but the security most women are longing for is in their relationship with you.
Your wife’s “Am I loved and loveable?” insecurity is probably back there in her mind whether she wants it to be or not. So, with Valentine’s Day approaching, there’s no better time to understand this tender place in your wife’s heart—so you can be the true hero that she is looking for.
What triggers her insecurity?
Any guesses on the top trigger for her insecurity? I’ll give you a hint. It’s probably the time you least feel like moving toward her.
It’s conflict.
Something that happened on the set of Family Life’s Married with Benefits podcast last year perfectly captures this idea. (And guys, it’s swoon-worthy for women, so take note). After recording an episode on the power of reconnecting after an argument (trust me, it’s big!), one of the young guys in the recording booth confessed he couldn’t think of one thing he does to reconnect with his wife after an argument.
He kind of hung his head.
My co-host Brian Goins and I pressed him to see if he could think of anything.
He shrugged and said (and I’m paraphrasing here): “Well, I do tell her, ‘You have unlimited free lives.’”
Brian and I must have looked confused, because he clarified, “You know, like Mario Kart? If she’s feeling insecure because of our argument I give her a hug and say ‘Don’t worry. You have unlimited free lives.’”
Every woman within earshot started talking about how amazing that was. He was shocked!
Guys, the things that make your wife swoon—and help her feel so secure in your love—are usually not the big things. They are the little ones. Here are some of the pure gold steps straight from the research with thousands of women for For Men Only and The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages that will probably help your wife feel very secure. (How do you know for sure? Ask her!)
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