“What were you thinking?” The truth is, this phrase is demeaning when said to anyone (would you want your man to say it to you?) but when applied to a male (husband, boyfriend, son, colleague…) it layers pain on top of humiliation. Let’s be honest: the translation of this phrase is “You weren’t thinking.” But although we may not see it immediately, most guys think things through and have legitimate reasons for what they do — just like we do. The problem for us is that we don’t know that they have thought it through because (unlike us) they usually don’t think it through by talking it through. The male brain tends to need to process things internally. So you may not agree with his reason, but he probably does have one. So the next time you’re perplexed, angry or exasperated, stop yourself from blurting out this phrase. Instead, assume he probably has a reason for this and politely ask, “I know you had a reason, can you help me understand?”
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