4. “I’m so sorry that happened. How did that feel?” Because you want to be a hero to your wife, your instinct is to say, “I’m so sorry that this bad thing happened at work– here’s what I suggest to fix it.” You think being a hero means removing what caused the pain. Right? But for most women (although not all) removing what caused the pain is Step Two. Step One is helping her talk through all those jangling feelings she’s dealing with. Because of the way the female brain is wired, that is what will reduce the pain most. After a few minutes, you’ll see her tension ease as she feels heard and cared for her. Then you can move on to Step Two to solve the problem if needed. But more importantly: she’ll feel so loved. And you’ll have the satisfaction of another superhero job well done.
Want to know how to be kind, when you’re really not feeling it? My research uncovered three daily actions that will transform your relationships – and you. Check out The Kindness Challenge, now available!
Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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