Second marriages: 3 things you need to know

2. Don’t Create a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

So, you’re considering marrying again. You know those actions you’re thinking of taking to protect yourself and your kids? You know how you’re tempted to hold back emotionally, just a bit? Or how easy it is to subconsciously keep an eye out for signs that it might all go wrong? Don’t. Don’t do those things. Don’t hold back, be ultra-watchful, or make those “just in case” plans. I know it is so natural to do things like keep the little bank account on the side. And we can so easily tell ourselves those are the “wise” actions to take for the kids. But in my research with thousands of men and women over twelve years, especially to uncover the secrets of the happiest marriages, it is clear that those protective actions are actually the most foolish things you can do because they build a wall between you and your spouse. They create a lack of trust. When you’ve been burned before, they seem only prudent – but in reality, they often create the very problems you’re trying to protect yourself from.