Secret #4: If you share with him how you feel… he can be reassured.
The most important thing you can do for the provider in your husband is to show him, day in and day out, that you appreciate all he does — whether that is providing income or providing closeness as a family — and that you want him more than all the stuff he is working so hard to provide. Talk to him and ask about the pressures he feels. Ask what you can do to make the pressure better. Tell him what matters most to you. And once he sees that you mean what you are saying — that you are totally willing to forgo the expensive vacation this year if he can work fewer evening shifts — he’ll start to believe that maybe, just maybe, you really mean it.
You won’t know how he feels — or be able to share how you feel — until you sit down and talk about it. Most likely, hiding beneath the behavior that is driving you nuts is a man who wants desperately to provide a good life for you, and to love you well.
Want to know how to be kind, when you really don’t want to be? Looking for encouragement for your marriage or parenting struggles? Subscribe to updates from Shaunti here!
Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average, clueless people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge demonstrates that kindness is the answer to pretty much every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In