His second thought: “If I can’t make her happy in this little thing (for example, that I picked the right security line at the airport), how can I ever make her happy in the big things?”
We don’t realize it, but when we say (especially with a frown), “Honey why did you pick this long security line instead of that short one over there?” we are telling him that he is a bit of an idiot. So he’s thinking, “If she thinks I’m not up to a little task, like picking a line at the airport, how am I ever going to be up to the task of something big – like being a good dad?”
I was longing to tell that wife at the airport: if you want all to be right with the world in your marriage, spend your time in the security line talking about how much fun you had on your vacation! Spend your time in the car on the way home reminiscing about what a great vacation it was and how thankful you are for his hard work (presumably) to get you all to Florida.
And if you really NEED to ask the question about why this line instead of that one, ask it in a way that assumes he’s not an idiot… that he had a reason. Like, “Honey, I know we were worried about catching the flight – is there a reason we couldn’t move to that line over there?” (“Yes, sorry, that’s Pre-Check.”)
We may think our men are “so oversensitive” if we have to be soooo careful about how we approach them. The key is to realize that they simply have a different pain point than we do. It isn’t “oversensitivity” – it is simply sensitivity to something that wouldn’t bother us!
But the good news is this: because of that sensitivity, he is also very sensitive to the positive points as well! Which leads to the final thought.
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