Adjust Your Focus
Dr. Sytsma explains his method this way: For example, I look at the couple dealing with an affair. Telling them not to think about this big, obvious, overwhelming thing would be counterproductive—because then it becomes hard NOT to think about it. It is like trying to NOT think about the pink elephant in the room. Instead, I tell the couple, “When we want to think about the pink elephant, what if we picture a grey African elephant on the savanna instead?”
He then asks them to picture how an African elephant would look . . . how its tough hide might sound as it brushed through the grass . . . how it might have a baby trotting alongside. And then he asks the couple if they can picture it. They always say yes. And thinking about the grey African elephant—something healthy, something functioning the way it is supposed to—has taken their minds completely off of the overwhelming pink-elephant thoughts that were consuming them a moment before.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In