#3: “Fine. Do What You Want To Do.”
As noted, your wife wants your encouragement to take some action to close out that worry, and that makes her feel loved. By contrast, withdrawing or shutting down is likely to make a woman feel unloved and worried about the relationship. So if you (perhaps understandably) get exasperated that she keeps pushing some action, and you say “fine” and check out, you’re escalating her worry. You’re saying, “If you go ahead and do this, you’re going to create a problem in our relationship.” There’s nothing wrong with pressing for your solution instead of hers. By all means, hold the line if you feel strongly that her way is wrong. But if you are going to “give in,” give in gracefully and supportively instead of implying that if she moves forward, it will mean causing a problem between the two of you. If you can bring yourself to do that, you’ll be building a precious sense of security in her. A security that no matter what differences you have, you’ll always be there.
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Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her latest book, Find Rest: A Women’s Devotional for Lasting Peace in Busy Life, focuses on a journey to rest even with life’s constant demands.
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