Next Day Rule Step 2 – If it needs to be addressed, if at all possible, address it the next day.
If something needs to be addressed, it will often be received much better if you address it the next day. Imagine the difference if your boss had simply applauded your big presentation, said “Thanks for that presentation. I can tell you poured a lot of work into that, and I really appreciate it.” Then the next day, your boss came back to you and said, “Thanks again for your presentation. I’ve been thinking about a few of the points you covered, and we’re probably still missing a few things, so I’d like you to change it in this way….”
You might still be a bit a bit bummed (‘You mean it wasn’t perfect? I worked so hard on it!’) but you would definitely still feel that what you did was noticed and appreciated.
It works the same way with your man. Waiting until the next day to correct something, if possible, will help you convey “It was noticed and appreciated (even if it wasn’t perfect),” rather than “It was noticed and you failed.”
For example, when you see that cast-iron pan in the dishwasher, just pull it out without comment. Then the next day, you might say, “Hey, thanks again for doing the dishes after dinner. Just FYI, I learned a while back that a dishwasher will rust a cast iron pan. I figured you would want to know.”
Or when you’ve heard your husband getting on your son’s case, if possible, wait until the next day and kindly say, “Honey, do you mind if I raise something? I was watching Billy’s face when you were talking to him about his attitude at football, and ….”
Bottom line, the Next Day Rule might sound old-fashioned, but it honors not just what you need, but how he is wired. By waiting overnight, and then addressing things in a kind-hearted and respectful way, you can allow your husband to keep his dignity while gently nudging him to change a behavior.
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Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her latest book, Find Rest: A Women’s Devotional for Lasting Peace in Busy Life, focuses on a journey to rest even with life’s constant demands.
Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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