What was she (and what are we) willing to do in the midst of hurt?
If that love note really was an apology, I wonder how that wife handled it. And it makes me wonder: how do I handle it? How do we?
Do we believe in the truth of our man’s love, despite the hurt? Or do we let the hurt define what we believe to be true about his love?
Certainly, there are sad cases where one spouse truly is abusive or doesn’t have goodwill toward his wife (or a wife toward her husband, for that matter!). But those situations are rare. And looking at this from the outside, most of us look at that letter and say to ourselves: he clearly loves her! I hope she gave him another chance! I hope they worked it out!
But what it really comes down to is: I hope she believed him.
Are we willing to hold ourselves to that standard? In our research on what creates happy marriages, that was one of the most important factors. Do we believe the best of our spouse’s intentions toward us, even when we’re hurt? We can have hard conversations (which this wife presumably did), and we can and should create and hold boundaries when needed. But we also need to hold ourselves to a standard of assuming this truth: I know my husband loves me. I know he cares about me. So I know we can work this out.
Your husband and mine may not write love letters. But we can still believe in his love. As I hope this wife did.
Looking for encouragement for your life and relationships? Learn about the little things that make a big difference in every relationship, from marriages to parenting. Subscribe to updates from Shaunti here!
Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her latest book, Find Peace: A 40-day Devotional Journey For Moms, focuses on discovering biblical direction to become a woman of serenity and delight in all seasons – and have impact for generations to come.
Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In